Humor Girl: Finding Christ...and What Not to Wear.

Movin On

2011-07-02T14:14:00.000-05:00

Not sure if anyone still follows me, but if you do, come join me on my new blog! Jensebring.blogspot.com

:)

Photo Blogging

2011-06-25T01:49:00.003-05:00

I will now be using this blog for posting all of my pictures. You can't really see the quality of the pictures on Facebook, so I'm moving to this format. Here are a few of my pics I posted for practice.

Jersey Shore...

2010-07-30T23:23:00.001-05:00

Sigh... :)))

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2 hour nap

2010-07-24T23:34:00.001-05:00

I got a 2 hour nap on the couch today and woke up to silence. This is what I found:

Maddie spit up on the sheets this morning.... Hence, no sheets.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2 Month Check Up!

2010-07-22T22:03:00.001-05:00

Baby girl was a trooper. She weighed in at 9lb 9oz (25 percentile), 23 inches (75 percentile), and her big, beautiful head is in the 25 percentile! Not bad for a preemie!

Here she is waiting for her appointment, smiling at daddy:

Oh em gee, could you die from that Mohawk!? Right!!?

She got her shots and she's a total trooper!!! She was tired and a BIT cranky, but she's still super sweet.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Ughhh

2010-07-22T19:29:00.000-05:00

Just spent 20 minutes looking for the "greased lightening".....

I'm so not as interesting as I thought I was...

2010-07-21T13:40:00.000-05:00

My daughter finds me very entertaining. She is happy. She is sweet. She just wants to be with me.

I put her in her crib today so i could get ready, and haven't heard a peep for the last 45 min. She's been staring at the toile design of her bedding. She never stares at ME for that long. Apparently I'm not nearly as interesting as I thought I was.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

World's LONGEST red light

2010-07-21T13:32:00.000-05:00

My sweet girl!

2010-07-18T21:52:00.001-05:00

Napping..

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Testing iBlogging

2010-07-17T12:51:00.001-05:00

Apparently blogging is supposed to be easy on the iPhone. We'll see...

I'll post this great WalMart moment...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Husband Greatness

2010-07-16T21:36:00.004-05:00

I came home from Colorado to a clean house and my husband is putting the baby to bed for the first time.... :) Usually, I feed her RIGHT before she goes to sleep, so I put her to bed.... This time I fed her earlier so we gave her a bath right before bed and now my husband is rocking her til she gets sleepy. They're in the other room. She was crying for about a minute....

Now it's quiet. :)

I'm getting teary.....

*****************

Warning! Random video cuteness! This is my sweet daughter just hours old....

Madelynn Joy, 5/19/10, 5lb 9oz, 19inches

2010-07-16T18:27:00.006-05:00

Since I last posted, we welcomed an amazing little girl into the world.

She is perfect.

She is so sweet and so precious it's hard to imagine ever having felt joy before her.

Unfortunately, I've been such a bad blogger...that I'm a BIT far behind on the postage.....

We'll try to stay more up to date this time. I'm going to slowly start updating my blog until I am current with what's going on. Good luck to me!

Nursery!!

2010-04-03T22:07:00.001-05:00

Jen Sebring

Sent from my iPhone

HI BABY!

2010-02-10T18:29:00.002-06:00

I never would have thought this would be so fun! I love being pregnant now that I'm not puking my guts out every 20 minutes. I can pretty much feel her all the time. Every move she makes, I can feel. She'll kick me all day long, then my husband will get home and she's dead to the world....

Read the fine print!

2010-02-01T21:17:00.001-06:00

My prince has come!! My prince has come! No more lonely nights...

If you'll read the fine print you'll see that it says "gluten-free,
dairy-free" cookies.... And they are REDONK!!!!!!!!!

I can eat cookies without itching! I can eat cookies without
procuring a rash over my entire body! I can eat cookies!!!!!!!

Nice park job, buddy...

2010-01-28T17:38:00.001-06:00

I could park better blindfolded with my feet. He jumped out of his
car and didn't even consider fixing it. His time is super importante.

PINK PINK PINK PINK!!!!

2010-01-24T08:44:00.001-06:00

My poor daughter. Everything she owns will be pink. This will be her
bedding! Maybe I'll live in her room.

Finally Over

2010-01-23T09:06:00.001-06:00

This was a pretty common scene during my first 15 week. I threw up
ALLLLLLL the time and got severely dehydrated. LAAAAME.

At 16 weeks I went back to work. At 18 weeks I stopped really feeling
sick. And at 19 weeks I went away. The joys of pregnancy.

Has it been that long?

2010-01-20T23:28:00.000-06:00

Got married.

Got pregnant.

Got SIIIIIIICK!!! Google hypermesis gaviderum (sp).

And it's a girl!!!!

Say hi to Madelynn Joy!

I'll try to keep in touch. Although, life blows without a computer.
It's either not get a computer or have a home birth, and, well, I'm
just too chicken.

Sooooo, don't buy snacks from gas stations in rich people neighborhoods

2009-02-18T20:39:00.009-06:00

About three years ago I landed a pretty sweet gig tutoring rich kids. Lots of money...they work with my hours. Sweet. Well, I was on my way to one of my jobs and I stopped at a gas station to get some snacks. It was one of those gas stations that looks corporate on the outside, but on the inside smells like weird cleaner and all of the food is generic and near expiration and dusty!? Seriously, does Chevron dust their snack foods?... do you know what I'm talking about?

I walked in and the guy behind the counter was SUUUPER friendly. He had huge fake teeth and was all sorts of bending over backwards to help me. "Are you working hard today?" Is what he asked me when I headed for the counter. The question caught me off guard, I don't think anyone has asked me that when I'm not at work. I made some lamewad remark and motioned to put my food on the counter. This is where it gets crazy...

I was about 4 steps away, not even TO the counter, when he leaned to the right in the direction of the cash register, pushed some buttons all fast and then straightened up to face me again. At first I figured he was doing something with the gas pumps, but then he whipped my card out of my hand and before I knew it he was telling me the yellow copy was mine. I seriously frickin' blinked and the transaction was over. He rang the food before I even got to the counter and ran the card before I even knew what was happening. I'll admit, I was impressed! I thought, "damn! This guy really knows his stuff! How did he even know what food I had in my hand."

I got into my car feeling pretty much like I went through a revolving door and my hair was still whipping around my face. I had that downward, thoughtful smile that you get when someone surprises you with their talents and you think "Huh, God really does bestow different gifts and talents on everyone." It's a moment of enlightenment...when God makes everything clear for ... WAIT! WTH!? $4.57 for two crummy snacks?!?

I was WRONG...That guy was not good at his job, he was GREAT at it. He was on par with those guys in New York who walk around with the cups and the walnut and ask tourists to "find the nut find the nut" while they move the cups in figure 8's around faster than you can see and use slimy slide of hand tricks making it impossible to win any money. Here's the receipt:

You can't see it, but the two prices are $1.08 and $3.49.

This is what I bought (objects may appear larger than they are):

The cracker jacks should be $1.08... but the peanuts, which btw are neither sweet nor salty, they're JUST frickin' peanuts, had the price on the bag and they were $1.67.... PSH!

This guy ripped me off! Now, before you call me cheap, hear me out. My tab should have been $2.75. That means he overcharged me by $1.82....which is like 66%! If my bill would have been $275....he would have charged me $182 more!? SERIOUSLY!

Whatever. It wasn't even worth going back in for the few dollars, so I just left. And that's exactly when I realized the genius of his plan. He woo's us with his speed and seemingly chipper disposition, then expects us to drive away if we realize his "mistake" . He set up shop in just the right place. It's a neighborhood where people don't check receipts under $200.... Very Smart. He's like the Houdini of the gas station world, so it's only appropriate that his store be named accordingly...

70 Hour Work Week in the Cuuuuuntry

2009-02-16T18:49:00.004-06:00

Upon leaving my final shift on Saturday, through unadulterated sobs, I asked M&M (my fiance) to add up the hours that I worked. 70. 70 hours, 4,200 minutes, or 252,o00 seconds of WOOOORK. Why so many hours? Good question... I decided to whore myself out to every opportunity for extra cash and it ALL came in one week. The final waitressing shift on Saturday was the piece of kindling that snapped my spine like twig. The cherry on my Headache Sundae was the engagement pictures scheduled for the Sunday at the end of my MURDEROUS week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, I'm not sure if I've ever told you about the city I work in. It's a Cuuuuuuntry town and in the words of reading rainbow, you don't have to take my word for it....

Exhibit A: These are pocket knives on sale for $7 at the local gas station that has a connecting door with Grandy's....

Exhibit B: In the plastic cases, there are watches for sale at the same gas station. :) These watches are blingin. Also, there are fancy rings... All for under $20...Christmas is coming.

Exhibit C: That is a Dorrito Purse. I can't talk about what's wrong with this...

In the city I work in, there's a Subway. And a Dairy Queen. And a Grandy's. The nearest grocery store is 15 minutes on the highway. But we have 2 dollar stores. Seriously.

Ok, enough... Among other fabulocities on Valentine's Day, my fiance did this for me on the driveway.. heeee. :)

That is why no post.

Hey, wedding planning.... BITE ME!!!!

2009-02-06T23:48:00.006-06:00

A hundred phone calls and e-mails and hours later.... and there are NO churches near my venue for under $2000. I SAID TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS AND THAT WAS THE CHEAP, NOT AS BEAUTIFUL ONE. Screw you and the stained glass windows you rode in on, pretty churches with convenient locations for my guests! With big, oak (is here any other wood?) doors with the rot iron handles that look like castles. There is NO way on God's blessed earth I am spending $2000 to spend 20 minutes in your building. That's $100/min...$1.50/second, you suck! The one I dream of is $4500, may God strike me if I'm lying.

I hate plans. I'm not a list person-- wait-- I'm a list person that doesn't complete tasks in order and loses the list before the day is through. My classroom lesson plans are main ideas with some strategies and a whole lot of flying around the room by the seat of my pants. There's just no time for silly lists!! I'm too busy doing stuff I was supposed to do two weeks ago, dummy! Ya know what I think it is? I hate waiting. Whenever I REALLY plan something out, I end up getting there way early and I have to sit in the waiting room... or sit in my car... or twiddle my thumbs. So I put things off until the LAST minute. I work better under pressure.

Ok, so the wedding is almost exactly 6 months away and I have booked the venue and......and nothing. Nothing else is done. Tomorrow are the engagement pics.

In closing I would like to say; Wedding planning...

I hope you stub your toe on the way to the bathroom at 2am and it hurts so much it wakes you up and then you can't got back to sleep until 30 minutes before your alarm. I hope your neighbors have a huge deciduous tree that loses it's leaves in your yard every year. I hope you get your Sunday paper stolen just often enough to be annoying. I hope you ALWAYS get the wobbly wheeled cart with string in the wheel at the grocery store. I hope you spill coffee on your khaki pants before an interview. I hope you get the gas pump that's out on a cold day and have to move your car. I hope you pick the slow lane at the bank....

I hope you get pink eye.

To the LAME WAD who stole my paper.

2009-02-04T21:03:00.005-06:00

Dear Persons Responsible,

Printing 50 copies of the "Find the Tone Words word search By Ronnie, Haley, and Justin," and not coming with paper to the printer in the teachers' lounge to get them, could be considered laaaaaaaaaaame (say that in slow motion for effect)

Something else that could be considered laaaaaaaame is an innocent person printing to said printer at 7:21pm, just to realize they didn't have enough paper....TWICE (seriously I had to go get paper twice, ya'll- say that like Britney Spears cause I'm in the mood for that.) Then they stole some paper from Mrs. K's room just to finish the ridiculous print job. (PS Mrs. K, I borrowed paper)

Sincerely Yours,
School Paper Lender Extraordinaire

PS You owe me 50 pieces of paper, you know, like, whenever..... :)

Smell Schmell! Taste or do not taste, there is no try...

2009-02-02T22:52:00.013-06:00

So.... I'm sick.

And gross.

And headachy.

And tired.

And I almost passed out in the shower this morning.

And. And. And. And. And.

And....food? You mean that tasteless gunk I stuff my mouth with?? BGLHSLGHSLGHHGLSH

I had a really fun post about someone else's post about purses, but I am siiiick today and stayed home for another nonsense do nothing all day kind of a day! Oh, I went to the store to buy cough drops.

So due to the recently discovered fact that my life borders on shamefully boring and lame, I'll post these pictures of my God-Dog...

'Cause yeeeaaaah, once you see him, you'll completely understand and stop looking at me like "who the hell has a god dog"!!!

Meet....... Tobias à la ObiWan:

Seriously, right!! The beard!?!? The towel that makes him look like something out of Star Wars even though I've never seen it (no hate mail...It's kind of my thing now to say that I"ve never seen any of the Star Wars movies... You're just gonna have to let this one go)!! Psha!!!

Back story.....

We dog sat for some friends and fell IN LOVE with their Mini Schnauzer. We are now God Parents and will be purchasing Tobias' twin brother after we get the house and settle in.

Now, I wouldn't go so far as to say Tobias "hates" bathtime, but he's so totally on the opposite of fond....

And don't EVEN say he's not the cutest... 'cause

"B!$@h!!! I'll cut you!" (I'm 99.9% certain he's talking about female dogs, NOT you.... but there's just no way to tell for certain.)

Snl

2009-02-01T11:46:00.001-06:00

Woke up late...

My heart will go onnnnn annnnnnn donnnnnnn....

2009-01-31T12:28:00.018-06:00

Now that I've successfully driven off even the last of my loyal readers and my best friend migraine is in town and has been for TWO DAYS... What better time to hop back on the blog train. ehh?

I guess at this point I'm only writing for me.. and maybe my AMAZING fiance! Yeah, I said it! FIANCE! I'm so totally getting hitched in 6 months I have proof.....

No makeup'd, bedheaded, haven't taken the recycling out (cause it's piled up behind me) proof.

He's all sexy and funny and kind and PERRRRFECT PERFECT PERFCT and I have somehow bamboozled him into spending the rest of his muscly life with me. Score. The proposal was perfect... He took me out on a gondola and surprised me on the water. Love....

Life has been great...

Oh god! i've totally forgotten about the whole reason I've existed for the past 26 27 in May years!

January 5, 2009.

THE most exciting night of my life. So far.

I was "All By Myself" before this....

Had I known how amazing it would be, I would have packed my stuff and "Drove all Night".....

"The Power of Love" can only carry you so far.... wait, what was I saying...

Ok, "It's All Coming Back to Me"...

If I stop and let it, "My heart will go on...."

If you haven't caught on yet...

I saw....(deep breath)...

LIVE....(squealing)...

IN CONCERT.....(AGHGHG!)

CELINE FREAKING DION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ohmygod! She was AMAZING!!!!!

Let me start by saying that She. Is. Flawless. She came out on stage in this glittery, shaaaorrrrt dress and her legs were amazing and she's amazing and I'm getting palpitations thinking about it!

My sister and I snuck into the lower level seats. But we both got really nervous and our stomachs started to feel like we had to go to the bathroom because we didn't want to get caught, so we went back to the nosebleeds....which I'm SO glad we did. The jumbotron made it feel like we were RIGHT there! Her voice is PITCH perfect and she's so great!

When we went from the lower level seats up to the 300's it felt remarkably like going from upper to lower class. The people in the bottom were wearing fur and heels and really expensive clothes.... the people in the 300's were wearing grocery shopping on a lazy Sunday attire. It looked like a college campus on family night. We fit right in...

I was so excited that I didn't get that many pics... but Here are SOME from the concert:

Makeup sweat off, I swear.....

When it was over, I looked like I ran a marathon..... That's us by the posters...

Here's the crowd leaving...

Celine is totally behind us in that bright light! hee!

Last but not least... here is Celine talking to the crowd, because yeah, she talked to me!

I'm detoxing... Ew!

2008-06-11T16:05:00.000-05:00

Blog who!!!?? Psh!!!

2008-06-10T19:14:00.002-05:00

Being a big, girl teacher... falling in love... you, know, Grown up stuff.... HA!!

Ok, I've been gone for way too long. I have SOOOOO much catching up to do. Like blog my boring summer life! I'm excited to start writing again. I miss you.

I will have you know, however, that the blog lords have gotten their revenge and I am sick as a dog. Let this be your proof:

The blords have ruined my tidy house and have sent me into a tailspin of aches and pains and oh my gosh I'm STARVING and I can't keep nothin' down...

Soooo......how'd the date go??

2008-03-06T16:27:00.002-06:00

On a scale from 1-10, the date was a 500. This date will forever go down in history as the best date EVER!!!

We went to dinner....

Then we talked for like 3 hours at a park. :)

We agree about EVERYTHING. Sigh. haha

If you are any of my close friends then you know that I could go on about him forever...but I will not bore the blogoshere just yet.

In other news.... love love love! That's about it.

I SO have a non-date! That's totally a date.

2008-02-26T23:38:00.003-06:00

Finally! A date! I'm sick of meaningless!

He's totally rad and funny! And he says what he means!? Who does that??!

Bummer

2008-02-19T06:36:00.001-06:00

Perfect Timing

2008-02-07T11:16:00.000-06:00

Cause yeah, when better to schedule spirit week then on the week of a
huge exam?

Drive to work...

2008-02-04T21:45:00.000-06:00

That little white dot is the moon. And yes, this picture is old.

So I'm the boringest boringer in the universe. Sorry I'm lame.

Work has been exhausting.

I live for Spring Break.

How to create iPhone ringtones

2008-02-04T20:26:00.000-06:00

Open iTunes and go to iTunes/Preferences:

Under "Advanced" change the "Import Using:" to "AAC Encoder":

Click "OK"

Find the song that you want to make a ringtone with. You CAN'T use an iTunes download. (If you have an iTunes song that you want to use, you can burn it to a cd and re-import it to make it a regular mp3)

Once you've found the song you want to use, figure out which 20 seconds you want your ringtone to be. Remember the starting and stopping points in the song.

Now, right click on the song and click "Get Info":

Under "Options" check the "Start Time" and "Stop Time" boxes and change the times to the 20 seconds you want for your ringtone:

Double click on the song to play it and make sure it starts and stops where you want it to. Make the adjustments you need.

Once you have the song starting and stopping where you want it to, right click on the song and click on "Convert to AAC":

This will create a seemingly identical song. Check the length to see which one is the ringtone:

Now, right click on the ringtone and click "Show in Finder" (it might be different for a PC. It might say something like "Show Folder" or something:

Once you've found the song file, click once on the name and change the m4a to m4r:

Press Enter and click "use m4r"

Once you've changed the format, go back into iTunes and delete the ringtone.... BUT do NOT delete from the computer!:

Now that the song is deleted from iTunes, double click on the new m4r file and it will open in your Rintones Section of your iTunes. Make sure your ringtones section syncs with your phone and you should have ringtones.

LAST STEP!!

Once you have the ringtone, go back to the original song file and UNcheck the start and stop times:

Really??

2008-02-04T08:15:00.000-06:00

I find it interesting that people will steal my peanut butter crackers
from my desk drawer and not my iPod. For real my crackers are gone.

Watch Me.

2008-02-03T14:49:00.001-06:00

Les Planning Period

2008-01-29T11:04:00.000-06:00

Noooo sleep and this is how I spend my planning period. I look way more
gross and puffy then I planned on and I'm totally fine with that.
Enjoy my final moments of peace until 4:00.

Why did I forget about my laundry?

2008-01-28T01:22:00.000-06:00

It's nearly 1 am.

I forgot my sheets were in the dryer.

This is where they are now and I'm laying on my bed phone blogging to
try and get some energy.

Ughgghhgg

And oh yeah I almost forgot!!

There's so much snot in my respiritory system that breathing and coughing have tied the knot. I would also swear to you that Flozell Adams is invisible and siesta-ing on my chest.

Other then that?....nada

Throat...

2008-01-17T21:03:00.000-06:00

Sore.

Maybe more then 2 hours of sleep would help.

Hi

2008-01-15T21:55:00.000-06:00

I'm back! Yeah, I say that.

I've been REAL-REAL busy, so let me fill you in on my crazy life. My teaching is more fulfilling then I could have ever imagined. And Oooh ooh ooh I got Uggs.

And their ugly and I LOVE them like that.

I tricked out my iphone.

It took me 72 hours straight. I went from my bed. To my couch. To my bed. To my couch. Tears. Anger. Bricked iphone. Eureka!!..... Bricked!!! I HATE LIFE---DIE APPLE--- DIE DGRUEIRSOFJDROEISJ..... ((CHOIR OF ANGLES)) "I see Blue! He looks glorious!"

But my phone is TRICKED did you hear?

Ok, so what else, what else?

...

...

I spent some quality time solving my 5x5x5 Rubiks!

...

.....

I haven't gotten my oil changed in--- (I love you but I am too shamed to tell you how long.)

Golly, what else have I done. Hmmmm.... Busy busy. What. Have. I. Been. Busy. With. Huh? That seems about it....

...I got a new rolly-bag that I tote my work stuff with?

....

...

.... Oh! I ate like 2 boxes of cupcakes! STRAIGHT UP!!! THESE ARE BETTER THEN HOSTESS! I crud you not. :) THEY DOMINATE! PLEASE TRY THEM.

My stomach hurts and I have chest pain.

Looking back, it seems that I really haven't done anything. I'll try to keep up.

-----

OH GOSH WAIT!!!!!

One Tree Hill. The show on the WB.

Oh dear, do you know? Do you know this show? My stars in the sky I don't have words to describe why i love this show.

It is CHEEZE-RIFIC! It is masterfully corny and I want every part of it! It started out when they were in high school and they touched topics like teen sex and bringing guns to school. Real topics that needed to be addressed. NOW! OH NOW!

It's no longer "One Tree Hill"...

Now it's "4 Years Later... One Tree Hill"

Check it out!

This month....And the day from Hizell.

2007-12-22T02:19:00.000-06:00

I know. I suck. And in the words of Misguided Mommy:

This teaching gig is kicking me to the curb. On top of germs that only 12 year olds can carry, I've been exposed to the very crippling disease "Youllneverhavetimeforeverythingitis"

And did I mention the hives? Yeah...they won't go away. "Oh my gosh, are you okay Miss Humor??" "Yes, I'm fine, thanks for making me fully aware of how much you can see them in this florescent light. YOU HAVE HOMEWORK NOW!"

So, my day from hizzy...

It started out just fine. I called my Dr. on my conference period and they said they would see me at 5:45. Seeing that I get out of work at 4, that's enough time, right?

WRONG. You are so wrong, HG. You are SO off base it's ridiculous.

I had some trouble in the classroom, so I got to call a parent after school! I decided to call her on my way to the doctor.

Well, I got so distracted on the phone that I missed my exit. I turned around on the freeway, and brainlessly took the same exit I just got off on. Not kidding. I turned around, and in the time it took me to turn around again there was miserable traffic. And then this:

Of course.

And then about 1,000 of these:

I ended up being 45 minutes late. I had to stop for gas and spilled gas on my pants.

Did I mention that I lost my planner? Yeah, and I looked ALL over school for it for about 30 minutes. I found it:

Other then that, I've been cooking:

And doping up on this:

Oh yeah!! And the best of the best!!!!!

I made the best investment I've ever made in my life:

It's a neck and shoulder massager and it is amazing.

Ok. Must sleep.

The things I'm not proud of...

2007-11-28T21:08:00.000-06:00

Today. For dinner. I had Dairy Queen.

I ate FRIED STEAK, FRENCH FRIES, GRAVY, TEXAS TOAST, and a BLIZZARD.

For my dinner.

I am the second most disgusting person I know.

Today. On my way home from work. I got physically excited about coming home to "The Real World" on my tivo. I watch The Real World! I watch the Real World because I'm ADDICTED! BECAUSE I LOVE IT. BECAUSE I AM TEAM PARISA!! AND I DESPISE TRISHA!

I am fully aware of my patheticness.

Go to the this link and go to about 5 min. Trisha will tell you how great she is.
http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1574227&vid=188909

FINALLY I'M BACK!!!!!

2007-11-25T14:44:00.001-06:00

I FINALLY got my password back! Someone hacked my myspace, blogger, and gmail passwords and I FINALLY got access to my gmail and blogger! Very exciting.

Here is the world's cutest dog to get you by until i can sit down and really write...

I found this

2007-10-25T23:36:00.000-05:00

We had state testing ALL day yesterday. I had students that weren't necessarily mine. ALL DAY. The girl in the front row may never ask me a question again for I cannot handle telling her "this is a test, I cannot tell you if you're wrong or right."

I let some of the kids play with my phone for a minute or two after the test. I found these tonight...

I'm probably fired. You think i could get canned for letting them run a muck after the test?

But seriously, I'm so glad she's not in my class.

Possibly the funniest person ever

2007-10-22T23:16:00.000-05:00

I worked with this guy named Eric and we used to make fun of people who were really country. We'd spend whole shifts talking like trailer trash. Here is a letter I just received from him on myspace. I laugh harder every time I read it:

Ya'll stop making Bobbi Dale mad!!!!! Stopit Now!!

	Dear Lurlene Marie and Cecil, Yall best not let meemaw know that Bobby Dale farted in line at Luby's after the cornbread festival last Sundee. Yall been spreadin it around like honey butter all over yalls myspaces yall. I know yall told Peepaw it was the steamed collard greens the little oriental lady put in the winda' , but he aint stupid. He's just blind as a rooster. He can smell yall. Love yall, Billy Don

Dear Lurlene Marie and Cecil,

Yall best not let meemaw know that Bobby Dale farted in line at Luby's after the cornbread festival last Sundee. Yall been spreadin it around like honey butter all over yalls myspaces yall. I know yall told Peepaw it was the steamed collard greens the little oriental lady put in the winda' , but he aint stupid. He's just blind as a rooster. He can smell yall.

Love yall,

Billy Don

Ready for Monday!

2007-10-22T00:40:00.000-05:00

I've crammed 3 weeks worth of "new teacher" prep into 4 days. I'm kicking myself for not taking before pictures of my new room. DUST. DISORGANIZATION.

Let's get started....

Welcome to my room:

Here is the student workstation. Everything is accounted for, so don't be stealin' no pencils, fool, I know where you work!:

Oh no, internet!! What do I do with no money to decorate???

I'll just staple crap (homemade construction paper crap) to the walls!!! Those are the rules that my classes made with their old teacher. Each one is a period...and each period has a COLOR! MORE EXCITING COLOR ORGANIZATION! I swear, 1st period is red and I have a red folder that I put their work in.:

My turn in baskets are UN-labeled...the humanity!

Here's what the kids see:

Here's what I see. Heaven in the form of COLOR COORDINATED TABLES! It took me FOREVER to get the tables right. From the front of the room, I can see ALL of their precious faces:

Let's look closer...

Here is Table A (the orange paper on the floor is where the front desks line up..because I'm all anal like that. Oh yeah, and each desk has a number, too. SO HAPPY!):

This is the lab station for group A:

And these are the goggles for table A, in the drawer for table A, with the orange label for table A!! The goggles were in a huge pile next to boxes of books under tons of dust.:

What's the plan for this week? Well, a make shift schedule box with a half written in schedule, I'll say!

Here's my computer. It's good to see that Dell and I are talking again. We had a major falling out after he decided to go all crazy on me and put any letters he wanted to when I typed. Conveniently right in the middle of a term paper. Now, if i were Dell, I'd be just fine after someone spilled a glass of water into my keys:

My desk... You people of the familial variety best reconize yo self? You know I gots ta see you on the regular!

Ok. Must. Sleep.

I'm just now leaving school..

2007-10-19T23:32:00.000-05:00

The guy that was teaching before me was old fashioned to say the
least. Dust EVERYWHERE. Assignments in the most random, unorganized
places... ALL over the room. I completely revamped and I'm pissed I
didnt snap a before pic.

It's official, peeps

2007-10-19T11:20:00.001-05:00

Nasty badge picture= salary

If you only knew...

2007-10-18T19:51:00.000-05:00

******PUKE WARNING FOR WEAK BELLIED PREGGOS!!! :)*****

The short posts may become popular because I've just learned how to
blog from my phone!

Anyway, this is why my boss doesn't make the girls use the employee bathroom:

This is the traffic on my way to work

2007-10-18T08:32:00.000-05:00

I SO spoke too soon!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-16T21:25:00.000-05:00

I got me some employment up in her'!!!!!! At a high payin' establishment!!! The highest payin' school district in TAY-Haas to be exact!! YEEE HAW!

Seriously, don't ask me how:

THE INTERVIEW
(THURSDAY)

3:20PM- Left my subbing job early to get to the interview on time at 4:30PM.

3:21PM- Raced down stairs to get the hell out of dodge and "stumbled" into this equation...

WIDE LEG PANTS + HEELS - TIME / STAIRS= Inadvertently whaling water bottle into wall to save tail from possible -plegia.

In other words, I almost got crippled but bashed the water bottled to save my life!

(**Remember this.)

3:40PM- I am driving. All is good.

3:41PM- I am not moving. All is not good.

3:50PM- I am not freaking moving.

4:13PM- I have moved enough to see the wreck! The dumb, avoidable wreck! The wreck that involved people who are out to destroy me! Am forced to make a call to interviewees informing of my official lateness!? I am going to be LATE! Late to an interview. LATE I TELL YOU! STOP looking at me!!! Yes I'm yelling at nobody, but you're the one in the wreck!! YOU WRECKER!!!!

4:15PM- Am breathless. Have regained composure to call the people who will never hire me because I am late. Look down to grab phone and notice that my water bottle has suffered some damage from "The Crash of 3:21" , or so it will forever be known.

Aww...poor water bottle. Poor, defenseless, broken, w---hat the hell!!!?!?!?!

MY RESUME!!!? My SOAKED, RUINED, RESUME!!?!?!? I HATE YOU WATER BOTTLE!

4:40PM- I am late. My voice is quaking. Feel frazzled and unprepared. Have no resume because no resume is better then soaked resume. DOOM.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got the job!

No job. No job. No job.

2007-09-24T01:07:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I have a job, but not the one I want.

It's not that i don't LOVE serving ungrateful people food...it's just that, well, I don't love serving ungrateful people food. And there are some choice folks whom I don't especially enjoy working with at the moment.

I want a full time teaching job!?!? Is that too much to ask for?? I'm all kinds of graduated and certified and what-not and I'm pretty certain I should be turning down jobs at this point. Where's the justice?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a funner note (i know funner is not a word leave me alone) I LOVE me some Rock of Love!!!!

Brett Michaels, from Poison, searched for love in 25 singles on Vh1 and they showed the "what you didn't see" a few weeks ago. He went on a group date with 3 girls and they were in the studio making a song. He wanted to play "butt bongos" on the single because he wanted a sound that no one could recreate. Here is an actual quote from Brett Michaels:

"Yes, I was looking for something organTic, something original. And just like snowflakes, no two smacks on the @$$ ever sound the same."

You are lovely, Brett Michaels.

OG don't mean "original gangsta" no mo....

2007-09-19T22:30:00.000-05:00

I crap you not, I have just been introduced to the best invention since the pager! The pager!!! And I'm almost positive NO ONE has it! ~~My mom and step-dad~~ errr Some random folks who wish to remain nameless, stumbled upon this gold mine at the grand opening of a kitchen gadget store in Spokompton and shared it with me.

Here's the story:

Random lady went to the gadget store and won a door prize. Random Lady had no idea that what she won would change her life for EVER!!

Are you ready for what she won??????

((Drum roll and trumpets))

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...

ONION GOGGLES!!!
(Keep goggles in protective case when not in use...read the box, fool!)

May ALL the trials and tribulations of onion cutting fall to the wayside with this small gift from above!! NO MORE TEARS!!! NO MORE... umm, tears! And that's awesome enough that you only need one purpose for these goggles!

Not only are they practical, but they're trendy!

Hey lady, you goin to tha club or chooppin onions!

These glasses really are all you hope they'll be BUT BE WARNED! Utter jubilation over the amazing amazingness of these glasses may cause you to lose site of reality.......

((The following is a reenactment of a true story.))
1. You are finished chopping onions but have the strong desire to continue wearing your goggles. While enjoying dinner, you reach for your jar of lemonade:

2. You raise your glass to sip...

3. You spit out in HORROR!!!

4. You were too taken with your OG's to realize there were TWO jars on the table....

5. PICKLE JUICE!!

What a world.....

But as traumatizing as this experience is, there's still one thing that makes it worth it:

You still have THE ONION GOGGLES.

iThink iNeed help deciding.....

2007-09-18T02:06:00.000-05:00

****** PS Does anyone see that 5 and 6 are jokes?******

I've been searching for a case for my iPhone and am calling in the troops for some iPinions on what iShould get.

Here's what iNeed (fine, I'll stop.):

1. Protection from the phone-eating gremlins who live in my purse and like to scratch pretty, shiny things made by Apple.

cursor:hand;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Kz5zqQG8XA0/Ru99FRRSA5I/AAAAAAAAAFE/1kknapVMJ1M/s320/IMG_0051.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5111441631577506706" />

2. Protection from what some people call gravity and what I call a conspiracy. Don't you find it odd that something doesn't stay in your lap where you put it!!? Irregardless of whether or not you remain seated!? And haven't you noticed that it ONLY happens when you are getting out of your car onto pavement??

Coincidence? Or CONSPIRACY?

I've never had a phone holder/case before, but I really don't want to ruin my phone. Let me know what you think.

Option 1:

(+): It's discreet, is rubber and absorbs shock, and it has a cool thing on the back where you can wrap your earphones/hands free thingy.

(-): It's kind of bulky when you've got your earphones wrapped up.

OPTION 2:

(+): It's PINK, is rubber and absorbs shock, and is pink.

(-):

OPTION 3:

(+): Again, it's pink, and is a hard protective case.

(-): Kind of not cute pink, and does the hard case work better then the rubber for absorbing shock?

OPTION 4:

(+): This is great! I can still use a rubber protector and use this when it's in my purse to protect the face! AND there's somewhere to put my earphones.

(-): I could make something like this easily with a sewing machine. I could also make it in a cool material.

OPTION 5:

**This is real**

(+): No one will ever steal my case, no one will have the same one, and if I am ever a bridesmaid in 1994, my phone cover will match.

(-): My cellphone and Barbie will get in a knock down drag out fight over who looks better in maroon taffeta, and no one will talk to me if I own this.

OPTION 6:

**This is real, too**

(+): People can hear me walk into a room because the coins jingle, I can put my phone on vibrate and still hear it ring, I can probably find furniture to match, and if I lose my cell phone- chances are she joined a pack of gypsies and I'll find her at a local barter fair.

(-): My phone will probably join a pack of gypsies and I will have to go searching for her at a local barter fair because you just never know what kind of bad things there are at barter fairs.

No mas moviéndose!!!!

2007-09-16T14:12:00.000-05:00

See! No more junk!

No more junk here:

And no more junk here:

My old apartment is junk free. So happy! Let's go home to celebrate....

Wait, what ABOUT the old junk?

What do you mean where is it now?

Ugh, Follow me....

A box here:

A pile here:

And a whole lotta why'd-I-keep-this here:

You know exactly where I'll be for a while.

And oh yeah, I found this shirt at Wal-Mart today and totally thought of you. :)

IF you can't see, it's only $3. Come on! Why don't they just GIVE it away!!

Moving Moving Moving. And a confession.

2007-09-15T00:51:00.000-05:00

I seriously am moving.

This is the last load of crap at my old apartment.

On the counter is the BEST cleaner of all time. It's Grease Lightening. And that visor right next to it was something I ended up with after my day in the sun.

My grandma made the zig-zag blanket for me a few years back. It was as tight as a trampoline when I got it!

Two giant bins of books that I AIN'T LIFTIN!

Ok, I got that kitchen table at Goodwill for like $10. I didn't have anyone to help me, so I tried to stuff it into my car (04 jetta). lol. Didn't work. I then laid it flat on top of my car, wrapped tank top straps around the legs and shut the rest of the tank top in the car doors so they would stay. I drove it home like that and it was as ghetto as it sounds. I got home with no one to help me carry it and used the same tank tops as straps and carried it on my back like a nomad. To the 3rd floor.

And don't you love my mug! Starbucks, I hate to love you.

So, for my confession?

I have no idea what's in most of my boxes. Never moved like this before. Will blog when I am faced with regret.

**Photos courtesy of, you know it, my iPhone! sigh**

Where U Been, Fool!!

2007-09-12T01:15:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry! I've been visiting family in Colorado:

My sister....

My dad....

My step-mom....

My brother....

I've been moving.

I've been working.

And I've been recently enjoying time with my new very best friend:

I love her... I really love her.

Wine + Sun = 2 X Drunk

2007-07-16T13:40:00.000-05:00

Holy hell.

Did you know that if you lay out by the pool from 1130am-7pm...on an empty stomach...and start drinking wine at 4, you will be muy, muy borracho (? In true, scientific, experimental fashion, I have proved this theory to be accurate. But OMG it was fun!

Apparently all of the people who live in my complex have LOTS of fun at the pool! I did not know this. I went out by myself yesterday and have made about 20 new friends who are just as bored this summer as I am.

This morning I woke up at 830am by a weed wacker outside my window. I also woke up with what felt like a round house kick to the temple.

Other then a hangover...here's what I acquired yesterday....

I tan line:

A floatie:

A coozie:

Left over beer that I don't drink:

A bottle of sunscreen:

And a half eaten pickle in my sink that I have NO clue where it came from:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now for a shot of another creepy crawly!!!! :)

I found him dead on the sidewalk:

And this is my friend Jason with our new friend:

What makes me lazy?

2007-07-12T00:49:00.000-05:00

I can't really understand why I'm so lazy. I think it's my ADD. I don't like starting something I can't finish...and I need to do like 10 things at once. So starting one thing is BORING.... So I start nothing.

I understand myself now!

Blogging rules.

Because I'm pretty sure these two things have nothing to do with it:

9 LASTS!!

Last dollar spent:
Because, ok!! It holds water and it's so cute!!!

Last beverage:

Does drinking your dinner count as a beverage? And these are amazing! And only 1 carb!

Last phone call: Rob

Last kiss: Alan

Last hug: Alan

Last text msg received: My friend texted me with his wife's number

Last text msg sent: "Pool at rob's at 10 tom...call u at 930" To alan.

Last birthday: Ummmmmm....My friend katie's fiance.

Hilarity!... and some more stuff.

2007-07-08T20:58:00.000-05:00

Last night was game night! I had Dylan and a few other friends over and we played trivial pursuit. To which I got pummeled. I had 3 pie pieces in the end to everyone else's FULL SET. Dylan also took the game by answering an entire CARD of questions...instead of just one.

I hate your face, Dylan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because I'm so boring and have nothing interesting to say about my summer... I'll share other people's funny stuff.

My step dad showed me this video and I could not stop laughing about it!! I love it, why do I love it so much!

Pissed Off Catholic Mother

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MW showed me these two videos that are so awesome! Extremely ridiculous, but funny.

So Smooth

The Other Son

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, a continuation of something I started a few days ago...

43 Little Known Facts about HUMOR GIRL cont...

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes! Because I think I'm funny, even when other people don't.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Always...

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
NO!!!! I would die of a heart attack

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Special K with Berries.... It's so good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'll leave you on a good note. My tivo has just recorded an episode of Extreme Makeover, 3 episodes of Arrested Development, 2 episodes of I Propose, 1 Sex and the City, and 1 Animal Cops Detroit.... And I still haven't watched Entourage. You know where I'll be.

It was sunny and beautiful 9 minutes ago

2007-07-08T11:53:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Texas. Kibosh on the tanning idea I suppose.

********UPDATE***********

Now here's what it looks like as of 45 min ago... approx 20 min after it looked like it did before...

Ahhhh, Texas.

MOTHER!!!?! STUPID GREHGHGHGHGHGH!

2007-07-06T11:03:00.000-05:00

Well, I didn't get the job.

Back to square one.

With no prospects and a waiting job that ain't paying the bills and I really hate that I have no prospects. I know everything will work out and there's "a job out there for me" but come on!! To the person who has NO patience for anything!?!??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I guess I will do a meme. Not really sure why they call it that, but I'll do it. BUT I'll do it in installments when I'm bored. I found "43 Little Known Facts About (Insert Name)" over at Slackermama because she is awesome and her blog is beautiful and i want to steal her layout and design that she did herself!!

43 Little Known Facts about HUMOR GIRL

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Uhhh... No, I think Jen was a default name in the 80's.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
When I was puking 2 nights ago. Not from drinking btw.

3. Do you like your handwriting?
Sometimes, but I'm lazy and it usually sucks and is not legible.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Ham... but I usually eat turkey. Why is that?

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No, and I'm not married either!?! Thanks for rubbing it in!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will now spend the rest of the day wallowing in my sorrow and may drink wine and make bomb threats or something. Either that or Tivo. Or maybe I should use this opportunity to reflect and better myself and create new job prospe--- OH SHUT UP AND PASS ME THAT GLASS.

Randomly Randomness

2007-07-05T14:38:00.000-05:00

Miss Britt showed me about this fun way to see yourself as an M&M.

That's me as an M&M but with better hair. Complete with cellphone, cause duh I'm not found without it even as candy coated chocolate.

Do it! You know you want to!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And have I mentioned that I live in the Amazon? I've never lived anywhere in town that has so many bugs and creepies and spiders and it's seriously like I live in the jungle.

I found her in my hamper:

(She's in a plastic bag for her own good.)

I saw her out of the corner of my eye don't ask me how:

And I found him on my way out to the the car:

I actually posted the last picture as full motivation to get a manicure. Shame.

I also have no idea why I've taken it upon myself to gender label my new friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, I'm waiting to hear back from schools about jobs.

DON'T DO IT!!!!

2007-07-03T13:10:00.000-05:00

Save yourselves!! Run far far away!! I've taken the fall for everyone and am passing on my wisdom as a "Get out of Jail free" card of sorts and you will be a fool not to take me up on this.

"Transformers" was the WORST movie I have ever seen. In my life! Bar None! Will have flashbacks for eternity. I hurt.

I could tell you all of the horrible things I would rather do instead of see this movie, but I don't have enough time to list EVERYTHING in the free world.

Our experience was botched from the start. We went to see the "PreShowing."

Ask yourself:

"Who would be at a pre-showing?"

FREAKS I TELL YOU! Teenage boys and men who are still teenage boys who were huge fans in the 80s. 83-86 to be exact and I'll tell you why I know that in one second.

10:30pm

We sit in the theater, near the front because 30 minutes just wasn't early enough, and wait for the movie. Mere moments after hearing some boys talking about doing the old "one person take two stubs outside and come in with one new person who hasn't paid trick", I see two "officials" with headsets milling around the theater. YES!! Am I watching reality tv? Am i going to see these kids get busted!??

The officials talk and point for a bit and then break off. One hits the back of the theater the other the front. YIPPEEE! The guy at the front cups his mouth and makes an announcement:

"Hey, how you guys doin tonight??" When he doesn't get the response he's looking for, he asks again. And then (insert best radio/camp counselor voice) "Alright!! For those of you that haven't been to a preshowing before this is how it works: I like to give away free stuff and you can get that free stuff by answering some trivia questions!! But in order to answer these questions you've got to be crazy!!! And I mean CRAZY!! If you know the answer, stand up and act as wild as you can and I'll give you a chance to answer!!!"

WHAT in the HELL is going on?? What is going on?? Why aren't there teenage boys peeing their pants in trouble!? Why do I feel like there should be a campfire and I should have a skit prepared? Why is this happening? I am not comfortable with this!

As if it's not bad enough to have Ty Pennington's protégé leading the troops, we have a crowd that goes APE $h!t!!! I don't mean there was some Buzz around the joint, I mean they lost their $h!t. Between all the teenage boys and the 45 year old guy in the unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt with the Transformers t-shirt underneath, I was two seconds away from clawing my face off.

He asks several questions and gives away free movie tickets. But don't be fooled, he's done this before....

Just when we thought it was over, he pulls out the big guns......

((duuuuuuunnnnnnhh.....duuuunnnnnnnhhhhh......duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnhhhh timpani drum beats rhythmically

The Pièce de résistance....

((DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNHHHHH))

The movie poster!!!!!

Imagine how Backstreet Boys concert in 2000 it got up in there??

The man in the Hawaiian shirt took the prize when he answered what years the original transformers aired...hence my 83-86 knowledge.

11:10pm

Movie starts

11:30pm

I want to leave. DESPERATELY.

1:30AM!!

IT'S FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HILL!?!?!?!

Unbearably cheesy. Main actress is cute but sucks. Plot horrible. BORING BORING BORING.

Don't see it.

Trust me.

Tis what happens when you loan someone your car.

2007-07-02T18:10:00.000-05:00

My family moved to Colorado last month and needed something to do with my sisters car.

They found something to do with the car.

Here is said car:

The something they found was my sisters bestfriend. She needed a car for the summer. She's not great at driving a stick and we've got the proof.

````````````````````````

Also, these little lizard things are everywhere! And they ain't camera shy neither.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One more random picture.

We found this spider web at my friends house!

We threw a moth into it and within 4 seconds the spider was wrapping it into a cocoon.

Now, hold the phone PETA! I didn't throw the moth and i was against it.. but it's all in the name of science.

What the heck do I write about.

2007-07-01T13:57:00.000-05:00

My life is so boring.

I have 2 and a half job prospects...so that's good!?

The half is a guy who says he'll call me back in a week and then waits a month or so to actually do it. Imagine that.

I've also decided to give you a play-by-play of my summer thus far:

Drink wine
Stay up late
work
Drink wine
and find time to drink wine in between.

Ode to a bored teacher on summer break.

Thursday Thirteen

2007-05-09T22:08:00.000-05:00

Thirteen Things about Humor Girl!!!!

1. I'm a college grad!!
2. I love chocolate pudding.
3. I'm a teacher.
4. I have allergies.
5. I have 3 brothers and 1 sister.
6. I have a great family.
7. I'm addicted to Tivo.
8. I obsessively buy school supplies.
9. I LOVE handbags....but usually ones out of my price range...that I buy anyway.
10. I was born in Florida.
11. I love to read.
12. I love applesauce...natural and unsweetened.
13. Did I mention I love chocolate?

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Graduation!!! :)

2007-04-29T18:24:00.000-05:00

Well, It's finally here. Graduation! I'm finally going to be a teacher! With my own classroom! How exciting!

I had hoped to keep better care of my blog, but hopefully I'll be able to keep up now that school's over. :)

I have missed all of you guys, and cannot wait to get back on track!

HG

Utterly Exhausted.

2006-09-15T23:53:00.000-05:00

I am student teaching! HURRAY. Here are my weeks:

Monday: 730-5:00 teaching
530-10+ working
Tuesday: 730-5:00 teaching

Wednesday: 730-300 in class

Thursday: 730-300 in class
530-1000 work

Friday: 730-300 subbing
400-11+ work

Saturday: 400-11+ work

Sunday OFF!!!!

So Tired.

SO WORTH IT!!

I love teaching!!

What's Beta Blogger?

2006-08-24T12:54:00.000-05:00

I have no idea what this is? Just curious.

NOooooooo!!!! And what else is new.

2006-08-20T01:21:00.000-05:00

So. The time has come....

I officially need new work shoes. ANd that sucks. Goodbye $100.

Here's the proof.

ANd if that's not enough...my soaked foot would have convinced you.

What else has happened in the month that I haven't posted.

I got a tan:

I saw a lady with a really bad outfit:

I wished there was someone in my passengers seat so I could soak them:

I gave my friend a tattoo while he slept...with the name of our boss:

And just one more for now, I made this thing...painstakingly out of individual pieces of construcion paper:

And, so, to all of you who think blondes have more fun.

2006-07-29T14:19:00.000-05:00

There's a girl at work who, since the time I've know her, has had blonde hair. We'll call her Blondie. She recently died her hair dark brown. I have brown hair. Here is the conversation that we recently had:

Blondie: Ok, I seriously feel ugly with brown hair.

HG: I like your brown hair.

Blondie: I went into a bar a little while ago and tried to make eye contact with this really hot guy. He would NOT look at me! I've never had that happen before. Do you notice that with brown hair?

HG: Yeah, I've never been blonde...so, i guess I notice guys not looking at me...?

I know she didn't mean anything by it...but it was too funny not to share.

******

When the Dallas Mavericks were in the playoffs, we went to a local restaurant to watch the games. This was their sign:

I completely forgot....

2006-07-23T21:25:00.000-05:00

NOw for more yummy photos from my vacation...

Please refrain from eating this picture through the screen:

Those are MW's nephews.

Here's me and brother numero dos on my aunt's boat:

Here's the cake from the wedding:

ANd here's the precious bride and groom:

Ok, are you ready for some UNADULTERATED cuteness!!!!

That one's my favorite ^

More to come!

Ultimate cuteness!! Ever!

2006-07-18T14:41:00.000-05:00

MW. MW, MW, MW.....

For those of you that don't know, MW=Mr.Wonderful=My boyfriend=the cutest guy ever (as seen below, hugging sweaty, melted-makeup me.):

While this picture claims "cute"... It fails to show his TRUE personality. It falls short of capturing the bona fide MW that those that know him have come to appreciate. This next picture, however, DOES JUST THAT!!

I found this picture in his parents hallway. The family photo dates back about 20 years and you can bet your paycheck that everyone is wearing that shade of turquoise! And please, try to name just ONE well-respected family a la 1986 that would have had it any other way! I dare you!

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO....PLEASE, feast your eyes on this delicious picture!!!!:

(L to R: 80's mom complete with thick gold necklace and shoulder pads to boot, chin of older brother, arm of older sister, and here he is, MW!!)

I will die soon of the utter and crazy cuteness of this smile!

After laughing for approximately 45 minutes at what I believe could be the pinnacle of all family photos, I laughed even harder when I heard the strife that came with it....

HG: OH MY GOSH!!! (laughs, possibly snorts, maybe pees a little) OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH! THIS IS THE FUNNIEST MOST ADORABLE MOST AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS PICTURE I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!

MW: Oh gawwwd! (Rolls eyes, sighs, shakes head, no smile) You have no idea.

HG: (LAUGHS IN FACE)

MW: Ok, you see my hair!! My mom sprayed a gallon of hairspray to get my hair like that! I seriously remember not being able to breathe! (He may have even mentioned something about still tasting the Aquanet and having flashbacks in his sleep)

HG: AWWWWWW...haawwwwhahahahaaawwwwww! Desperately trying to console and trying even harder not to laugh more.

MW: And you see those two strips on my hair!!! Where the light is reflecting off the hairspray!! I was TORTURED for that!

He goes on to tell about how much he was tormented and then it hits me. Look how cute he is and now tell me that "Buzz" is not the perfect nicname EVER! His brothers and sister would call him that repeatedly and now the name has stuck. I seriously tried calling him his real name around his family and he didn't answer.

So, to end this session, I dare any of you to up the ante with a cuter picture!!

THIS JUST IN!!

2006-07-17T19:19:00.000-05:00

Ok..the infamous Yard Sale is STILL GOING ON!! The best-friend from spokane has just informed me that it is still going strong, I repeat, STILL GOING STRONG! After 5+weeks.

Randomness......

2006-07-14T23:00:00.000-05:00

After spending hours on the phone, I finally have internet in the privacy of my bedroom. Sigh. So so happy.

Now for some pictures that i've wanted to share with you for a while:

I drive past this restaurant all the time. Please look closely

We've got Seafood!! We've got Chicken!! and We've got...Donuts!...?

A few months back I was shopping at the number one store on earth, AKA Wallgreen's, and I saw this in the movie rack:

Seriously.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-09T23:13:00.000-05:00

Still no internet! STILL NO INTERNET!!!!!!!! CAN YOU SENSE MY ANGER!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW THAT I HATE VERIZON! STUPID STUPID!

Our wireless router is out of commission.

I can't upload pics until I get my wirless in my room. I have some hilarious, darling, wonderfully-gorgeous pics of my vacation.

I miss you guys! I'll hopefully see you tomorrow!

I told you

2006-07-05T14:21:00.000-05:00

These pictures were taken while driving...so they are not great:

HOWEVER, they do show the yardsale I've been bragging about!

I present to you:

DAY 8 (That I know of)

With glare from windshield:

Blurred from speed:

ATTACK OF THE NEVER ENDING YARD SALE!!

2006-07-02T16:40:00.000-05:00

Our favorite word the last few days has been CRAP. We drove home from Seattle and stoppod at some HUGE antique barn; 3 levels; no a/c; ALL CRAP. You know the people that shop there because their houses looks just like it. CRAP-EVERYWHERE-DUST-CAN'T BREATHE-----

So...speaking of crap, I drove by a house in spokane the other day that had CRAPCRAPCRAPCRAP on their front lawn. I didn't have my camera (shame) so I couldn't take a picture. It was 8pm and this place was a freaking mess. I've seen yardsales that couldn't compare to this. Well, the next day I discovered a yard sale sign that pointed me in the direction of that house. Small relief.

3 days later:

THE CRAP IS STILL THERE! I CRAP YOU NOT! JUST AS MUCH CRAP AS THREE DAYS AGO WITH NO SIGN OF ANYONE "YARDSELLING- SELLING OR BUYING" Only in spokane.

Sneak Peak!!

2006-06-28T15:28:00.000-05:00

So, as promised...just a few pics so far....

Here we are after the dune buggy ride in Florence, Oregon:

Pictured in relation to MW:
First Row- cousin, uncle, cousin, cousin.
Second Row- Newlywed (his beautiful new sister-in-law), cousin, brother-in-law, Newlywed brother, other brother, MW, his AWESOME GF Me!.

***Now for a disclaimer***

I may not be held responsible for any pictures that include me in them. I know my good camera angles but the very helpful people who used my camera, DO NOT....or were hired by someone who hates me.

Here we are at the Heceta Head Lighthouse in Florence, Oregon:

ANd here we are after dinner at Ivar's Salmon House in Seattle sans red-eyes because I'm not at home and can't fix it:

Hello, my name is HG and I LOVE my yellow jacket. I wear it everywhere and am wearing it in EVERY SINGLE PICTURE EVER!

Ok...gotta go get ready for a girls night.

Mas pictures to come!

VACATION...And I'm sorry for all the excuses....

2006-06-25T11:34:00.000-05:00

I swear I miss you all so much! I miss blogging and I MISS not having internet. I've been on the coast of Oregon and up in Seattle for the last 2 weeks. I'll get home to my mom's house tonight and will have a week there until I head home. I just talked to my roommate and he said the internet is up and running!! Finally.

I'm so sorry I haven't been able to post as much as i want to. I have SO many pictures and so many posts in the back of my head!! I swear!! All the nastiness I've seen on vacation...all the awesomeness! I can't upload pics now...but AS SOON as I do I'll be posting those...

**********************************

I went to MW's brother's wedding this weekend and it was perfect. So much fun. And what a hunk of a best man ;)

I went to Lincoln, Oregon and spent 4 days on the coast. I went on a Dune Buggy Ride! i went to the dunes! Hg goes to the dunes??

I went on the space needle!

I went to Bainbridge, WA? On a ferry?....Anyone???

I also ate more CRAP then I can muster to tell you.....

Last night we had a crab and oyster FEAST and I think I ate my weight in crab. In fact....my left hand is starting to resemble a claw..... i can't tell if I ate so much that I'm hallucinating....or if I ate so much that I AM a crab!?

I've been sleeping on sheets and using towels washed in fragranced soap and I'm hiving out all proper!

**********************************

I miss you all....And can't wait to come visit again.

Desperate measures...and still no WIFI!!!

2006-05-30T20:21:00.000-05:00

Can tv exist without a dvr!? NO!

My apartment is NOT wired for cable. It's wired for DishNetwork. This is all fine and great...but the system it's wired for is OLD and is NOT compatible with a DVR....feeling----ill.

Ok...still ok...We can contract with another satellite provider and attach the satellite to our balcony...our "SOUTHWARD" facing balcony. That would be all great if our balcony actually FACED SOUTH!? Which it doesn't.

So, my sweet cable man came out and I told him of my dilemma. He attached our satellite where he wasn't supposed to and for this he is my hero. I have cable. I have DVR. I am happy!

Not only do I have tv...but i have it in my room with my OWN DVR and system! i can watch something while my roommate watches something else!

Favorite shows now that I have complete and total domination over the cable box and tivo are as follows:

Dr. 90210, Elimidate (I will only enjoy this until I live in the same city as my bf. He cringes, convulses, and projectile diarrheas at the mere mention of it.), Made, Kathy Griffin: My life on the d list, The Simple Life,....Crap......LIBRARY IS CLOSING....UNTIL NEXT TIME!

1 WEEK FOR REAL THIS TIME!

2006-05-23T04:10:00.000-05:00

I miss you so much!!! I miss blogging! I have so many pictures to blog!! BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG!!

I'm settled and my roommate moved in today. I should have internet in a week... A WEEK!!?!? I'm not sure I can wait.

I seriously miss you all. So sad. :( Will blog daily soon.

HG who??

2006-05-11T09:11:00.000-05:00

Well, my stolen internet has proven to be unreliable. The nerve of someone making their internet Secured!? Protecting their documents should come second to supporting a starving college student!....

I have pictures of the apt. I have pictures of this gross thing in my apartment that makes me sick everytime I see it, but I don't know how to get rid of it...(That's my hook so you'll all be on the edge of your seats for my next blog)

I'm at school right now and will startmy next final in an hour...

ugh.

Ummm..nothing else new...Just being poor and having my own kitchen! :)

I'll have internet in about 2 weeks so standby for lots of yummy blogs! With pictures!! You like pictures right!?!? Guys...right??!! Hello???? Guys!????

MOVED IN!!!

2006-04-30T01:07:00.000-05:00

FINALLY MOVED IN! Everything has a place! Sigh.

Pictures tomorrow...

Something to feel better about...

2006-04-19T23:24:00.000-05:00

HOLY MOLY. I walked by this car today and had to drive back and take a picture!

My car's messy, ya'll...but it ain't a LAUNDRY MAT!?!?

PS Sorry for the picture...I was walking fast and didn't want people to stare at the creep taking pictures of someone's car with my camera phone.

Liars & Nudists & Creeps, Oh my.

2006-04-17T23:10:00.000-05:00

Is it THAT hard to find a roommate!?

So far...Lied about credit...asked to be naked....and wanted to know if her 4 dogs were ok. I said "Yeah, since I specifically said NO pets...go ahead and bring all FOUR..to an APARTMENT!?!?!

Other then that I've officially gotten my placement for student teaching. It's close to my house and I won't have to buy a parking pass for next semester.

4 more days for the apartment!! I'll take pictures as soon as I get the keys! :)

PS I just created the word "jork" jerk+dork= Jork.

MW, you had nothing to do with this!

Happy Easter!

2006-04-16T15:33:00.000-05:00

HAPPY EASTER!

Yeah, except for this one thing....

2006-04-13T13:42:00.000-05:00

So...I'm trying to find a roommate and it's a little harder then I thought it would be. I think i've got someone lined up, but we'll see.

I signed up for this website that hooks you up with potential roommates. You fill out a survey about your religion, cleanliness..etc I was thinking that I wanted to live with a guy. They're more laid back...they don't steal your clothes...and they don't get bothered by weird stupid stuff.

I just wanted to share with you the response I received the other day:

Hey! I am quite interested in your place! I am a professional male. I am a software developer. I work normal hours. I am out of the house by 6:30 AM to go to the gym and am not usually home again until 6:30 PM. I am pretty quiet, love to cook, watch tv/movies, and am pretty busy developing websites at home. I am not a smoker, and only drink occasionally. I am looking for a place where my roommate wont mind my being NUDE!? around the house. Please drop me a line and let me know if you are interested.

Seriously!? lol

SORRY DON'T HATE ME!

2006-04-10T01:23:00.000-05:00

So I suck. I am lame. I am boring. I've been so preoccupado with school and work and the new apt that I haven't had time to write. I believe that you all deserve a post so I've scrounged through the pictures on my phone to give you one.

Before we proceed I would like to make a public announcement to the folks at the library.

"Sirs and Ma'ams...While your opinion and curiosity about 'fixin' to be teachers' is appreciated, there is a time and a place for inquirires of this nature. Reading over one's shoulder as they browse the internet may be considered rude and would certainly be a breech of their privacy. The library is to be a comfortable and QUIET place where library goers can and avoid describing how to 'become a teacher without all the school 'n stuff.' Your interest in educating our youth is incredibly noble and we would ask that you take this interest to the local school district in your area. In other words, LEAVE THE GIRL AT THE COMPUTER ALONE AND STOP READING OVER HER SHOULDER THANK YOU."

SO, I left for work on time and OF COURSE there was an accident. I decided that I was going to PROVE to my boss that there really was an accident, so I took a picture!! HA! The dog really DID eat my homework!! IN YOUR FACE LIKE MACE!

Well, You be the judge. Can you tell, AT ALL, that this was an accident that blocked the 2 lanes of traffic back 10 miles??

PSH!

NEW PLACE!!

2006-04-02T23:07:00.001-05:00

So I've finally decided to move out...again. I have a roommate. A great place. And three more weeks!

:)

And the award for laziest, nasty human ever goes to!

2006-03-23T20:24:00.000-06:00

The human that needs this sign to behave properly in a public restroom.

Dear Girl Who Eats Chick fil'a at 1050 am,

2006-03-21T22:07:00.000-06:00

The smell of your stuffy, stale french fries, your greazzzy popcorn-chicken, and the sweet, suphocating smell of your room-temperature honeymustard are causing my stomach to contract and I am sorry if I puke on your shoes.

The End.

So, to continue where I left off...

2006-03-21T15:21:00.000-06:00

I am not at school and CANNOT stay awake.

Can't sleep.

2006-03-21T02:10:00.000-06:00

Because I'm tired.

The same reason I eat when I'm not hungry. And that would be the same reason I talk when I have nothing to say. And speed when I'm not rushed and make mistakes when it's slow.

blahblahblahblahblhablha

So I had this dream that my bestfriend robbed a bank. And I was hired to take down her operation. And I had to save all these peole that were with me because my bestfriend/convict was armed and dangerous. I finally confonted her in the bathroom of a german train station where she gave me what I came for: my car keys!! Because, DUH, that's why i was really hunting her down with a bus-load of scared old folks!

Now, still dreaming, i'm consoling monica about her time in the slammer, when i realize I'm late for WORK. Yes. WORK! I'm at work ON MY DAY OFF IN MY SLEEP!?

SO now i'm driving my mom's car to SPokane because she left it at my house when she visited (who knows what happened to work). Everything's fine and great until I have to go to the DMV cause I can't find my license. I walk up to the counter where some old guy writes a capital "I" on each hand and holds them up. I thought it was a make shift eye exam test so I said "uhh..I, I?" Well, turns out I was responsible for knowing some airplane signals!? WHatever that is... And then I woke up.

But seriously, why can't I sleep!?!?!?!

What do you do?

2006-03-16T12:46:00.000-06:00

What do you do when all the cleaning is done and there's nothing to do?

Put people clothes on your dog, of course!

Cause seriuosly...my room really is crazy clean:

Spring cleaning....

2006-03-14T01:29:00.000-06:00

No, Seriously.

Under The Bed:

All of what you see was on or under my bed.

Yeah, those clothes on that chair are pretty much always there. SO, other then that...and the stuff on my desk....everything was on or under my bed.

Mission 1 COMPLETE:

Stay tuned for tomorrow's mission...

THE DESK (AKA...the reason i do homework on my bed):

SPRING BREAK

2006-03-10T15:11:00.000-06:00

YES.

How do you spell... GET OVER IT?!

2006-03-07T23:12:00.000-06:00

Thanks for all the missing person reports! I love you, too. I took a little blog-vacation and didn't realize that I'd NEVER.UPDATE.AGAIN.EVER!? I really do appreciate the love!! :)

And now I will get to my post:

G-E-T O-V-E-R I-T?!

Apperantly my last blog about Buttcrack Betty caused quite an upset.

For those of you that don't know, I posted this picture of a random girl at my school:

She is anonymous.

I am anonymous.

None of my blog-readers (excluding friends and family) know where I go to school.

There is virtually no way that this girl could identify her butt.

HOWEVER.....

People are seriously pissed, ya'll!! They're creating an ANTI HG website or something!? They think it was mean and are losing sleep over my cold-blooded intentions!! They're telling everyone about my cleaverly disguised malevolent nature and are ensuring that people judge my character!! (Behind my back, of course!)
"HG took a picture of someone's BUTT! And POSTED it WITHOUT HER PERMISSION!! What a heartless cow."

I think I'm nice. They think i'm evil. I'll let you be the judge.

I smell a reality show!!

Here was my literal thought process before writing this blog:

"That is seriously hysterical and kind of gross that I just saw her entire butt and now she's sitting in her too small pants and the chair back is framing her say-no-to-crack!!

What should I do? Who should I make laugh with me?? DUDE, camera phone!! I'll blog it!"

Believe me when I say that NO ONE I go to school with reads my blog and knows who I am. IF there was even a slight chance of buttcrack-owner stumbling accross buttcrack-picture and recognizing said buttcrack....I wouldn't have posted. DUH.

It bothers me that my character is being questioned because of a harmless, and, allow me to repeat, ANONYMOUS picture.

I am even more sad that people validate the pictures in US Weekly...and not this one.

I'm seriously sorry If I offended anyone, but my intentions were light hearted.

Now, without further ado.... I give you:

Pictures found in GOSSIP MAGS accross the country that actually HAVE cruel intentions, are NOT nameless, and are NOT considered malicious. :)

((CUE THE TRUMPETS...DRAW THE CURTAINS!!))

Doesn't it just make you HAPPY to know that Brit Spears has cellulite like the rest of us!! God bless the nice man that stalked her and most likely trespassed to get this photo!!! Let me chip away at his rent by purchasing this $4 magazine!

Geez Paris...put some clothes on! Serves you right for wearing a shirt so short because YOU'RE famous! The girl in HG's picture that CHOSE to wear WAY TOO TIGHT pants, however, was assaulted!

Aww...is that Mary Kate's butt crack? I wonder what kind of underwear she's wearing? Cute boots. I have no malicious thoughts about the person posting this pic.

Yay for Camera phones!

2006-02-19T20:43:00.000-06:00

So glad...now I can show you all the disgusting stuff I run into.

For those that read, you are aware that I frequent Wallgreen's....

ANd when i say frequent, I mean I go there EVERY chance i get and take advantage of their amazing deals!!

Well...it's 1130pm and I stopped by to get my perscription.

I had to use the restroom...and found THIS!!!

That is a purchased USED razor!?! And you don't have take my word for it:

And while we're on the subject of bathrooms....

Here is my friend Ali and me getting ready in the bathroom before work:

To end on something not disgusting and hairy.