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September 19, 2007

OG don't mean "original gangsta" no mo....

I crap you not, I have just been introduced to the best invention since the pager! The pager!!! And I'm almost positive NO ONE has it! My mom and step-dad errr Some random folks who wish to remain nameless, stumbled upon this gold mine at the grand opening of a kitchen gadget store in Spokompton and shared it with me.

Here's the story:

Random lady went to the gadget store and won a door prize. Random Lady had no idea that what she won would change her life for EVER!!

Are you ready for what she won??????

((Drum roll and trumpets))

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...

ONION GOGGLES!!!
(Keep goggles in protective case when not in use...read the box, fool!)


May ALL the trials and tribulations of onion cutting fall to the wayside with this small gift from above!! NO MORE TEARS!!! NO MORE... umm, tears! And that's awesome enough that you only need one purpose for these goggles!

Not only are they practical, but they're trendy!



Hey lady, you goin to tha club or chooppin onions!

These glasses really are all you hope they'll be BUT BE WARNED! Utter jubilation over the amazing amazingness of these glasses may cause you to lose site of reality.......

((The following is a reenactment of a true story.))
1. You are finished chopping onions but have the strong desire to continue wearing your goggles. While enjoying dinner, you reach for your jar of lemonade:



2. You raise your glass to sip...




3. You spit out in HORROR!!!



4. You were too taken with your OG's to realize there were TWO jars on the table....



5. PICKLE JUICE!!



What a world.....

But as traumatizing as this experience is, there's still one thing that makes it worth it:

You still have THE ONION GOGGLES.

12 comments:

Heather said...

The fact that you can get your Mom and Stepdad to pose for you, I find pretty hilarious. ;)

Chief Slacker said...

While I totally trademarked the use of OG for my friend Orientation Girl, I'll gladly let you license it for that awesome invention :O)

Melissa said...

Great pictures. Love the look of surprise after imbibing pickle juice.

May need to get myself a pair of those newfangled onion goggles. I hear all the kids are wearing them nowadays ...

Misguided Mommy said...

my ex worked at a port of subs when we were in high school and he hated onion cutting time the worst. they would have to take tons and tons of onions and put em on the meat slicers. anyway they got so sick of it they packed their snowboarding goggles in and would wear those while cutting. it was hilarious

Random Lady said...

That's hilaaaaarious.

J said...

SOOOO funny!!!! The last picture looks like he's spiderman or something :p

Unknown Person said...

Oh thank goodness...finally something high-fashion I can wear with my crocs! Look out Heidi Klume, there's a new Diva in town.

Rob said...

Hey, yeah...he is sort of like Spiderman, in a totally cool, superhero sort of way.

This is by far your best post yet. Who are those totally random and unnamed people? The guy has an awesome haircut. It would have been funnier if he had done a spit-take right across that table, but I guess the hot chick in the plaid might have gotten mad at him. She probably wasn't too happy about him standing on the coffee table in that last picture either...or, you know, whatever it is he appears to be standing on there...

Marianne said...

Too funny. Have you seen "doggles?" They're almost as funny.

The Original Baby Rumpster (Fuck that non-prolific Jess chick in the cunt) said...

You won't believe me, but I bought a pair of these a while back. You don't know the burden I bore, chopping onions whilst the waterworks opened up and I lost my snot.

You will, of course, understand my dismay when I realized that these glasses were inaffective on me. Having donned these trendy and practical spectacles, I was ready to dice, mince and even possibly to julienne my onions. Unfortunately, I was so overjoyed, I couldn't keep from crying. Why must my life be so cursed?

Misguided Mommy said...

and your gone again!

Aimee said...

hahahah LOVE the onion goggles. what a fancy invention! bah!