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July 03, 2007

DON'T DO IT!!!!

Save yourselves!! Run far far away!! I've taken the fall for everyone and am passing on my wisdom as a "Get out of Jail free" card of sorts and you will be a fool not to take me up on this.

"Transformers" was the WORST movie I have ever seen. In my life! Bar None! Will have flashbacks for eternity. I hurt.

I could tell you all of the horrible things I would rather do instead of see this movie, but I don't have enough time to list EVERYTHING in the free world.

Our experience was botched from the start. We went to see the "PreShowing."

Ask yourself:

"Who would be at a pre-showing?"

FREAKS I TELL YOU! Teenage boys and men who are still teenage boys who were huge fans in the 80s. 83-86 to be exact and I'll tell you why I know that in one second.

10:30pm


We sit in the theater, near the front because 30 minutes just wasn't early enough, and wait for the movie. Mere moments after hearing some boys talking about doing the old "one person take two stubs outside and come in with one new person who hasn't paid trick", I see two "officials" with headsets milling around the theater. YES!! Am I watching reality tv? Am i going to see these kids get busted!??

The officials talk and point for a bit and then break off. One hits the back of the theater the other the front. YIPPEEE! The guy at the front cups his mouth and makes an announcement:

"Hey, how you guys doin tonight??" When he doesn't get the response he's looking for, he asks again. And then (insert best radio/camp counselor voice) "Alright!! For those of you that haven't been to a preshowing before this is how it works: I like to give away free stuff and you can get that free stuff by answering some trivia questions!! But in order to answer these questions you've got to be crazy!!! And I mean CRAZY!! If you know the answer, stand up and act as wild as you can and I'll give you a chance to answer!!!"

WHAT in the HELL is going on?? What is going on?? Why aren't there teenage boys peeing their pants in trouble!? Why do I feel like there should be a campfire and I should have a skit prepared? Why is this happening? I am not comfortable with this!

As if it's not bad enough to have Ty Pennington's protégé leading the troops, we have a crowd that goes APE $h!t!!! I don't mean there was some Buzz around the joint, I mean they lost their $h!t. Between all the teenage boys and the 45 year old guy in the unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt with the Transformers t-shirt underneath, I was two seconds away from clawing my face off.

He asks several questions and gives away free movie tickets. But don't be fooled, he's done this before....

Just when we thought it was over, he pulls out the big guns......

((duuuuuuunnnnnnhh.....duuuunnnnnnnhhhhh......duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnhhhh timpani drum beats rhythmically

The Pièce de résistance....

((DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNHHHHH))

The movie poster!!!!!


Imagine how Backstreet Boys concert in 2000 it got up in there??

The man in the Hawaiian shirt took the prize when he answered what years the original transformers aired...hence my 83-86 knowledge.

11:10pm


Movie starts

11:30pm


I want to leave. DESPERATELY.


1:30AM!!


IT'S FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HILL!?!?!?!

Unbearably cheesy. Main actress is cute but sucks. Plot horrible. BORING BORING BORING.

Don't see it.

Trust me.

10 comments:

alyndabear said...

Yikes.. Jase really wants to see this one. Maybe I should take my Ipod or a laptop or something.

Billy said...

I am always thoroughly entertained by your writing! You have got a way for sure.

ali said...

erm...i had such high hopes...

LeighAnn said...

I will remember that. I took your advice on the iPhone and got one, AND LOVE IT! So I will believe you here too!

Melissa said...

That's it. The movie is off my list.

blackops said...

Im sorry my Hawaiian shirt offended you so much, maybe you were just upset you didnt win the poster and I did. You shouldve at least come over and introduced yourself and let me know you were there.

OTRgirl said...

Given the idea that "humor is pain remembered at leisure"--thanks for a very funny post!

Misguided Mommy said...

so i say honey, my friend says tranformers sucks. his response. shes a girl huh. ya..well duh, you guys need to be going to see my little ponies or something. nice dear, real nice

Humor Girl said...

Aly- YES. Take something. Pref something soft and squishy like a PILLOW.

Billy- Thanks! I really appreciate that!

Ali- I've been told I was wrong. So maybe you'll like it.

Leighann- IWANT an IPHONE. :*(

Melissa- Good move.

Blackops- lol...had I known!

OTRgirl- Ooooh! I love it! Can I use that quote on my blog??? :)

Misguided mommy- Ouch! haha but i guess he's kind of right. Strawberry Shortcake would have been way better.

aka_Monty said...

Every geeky guy that I know (well, most of the guys I know are geeks, because I adore geeks) is totally in love with this movie.

I remember the cartoon, vaguely, because my younger brother watched it in the mornings before school.

Gak. I have no desire to watch this movie, so thanks for confirming my gut instinct. :D