Humor Girl: Finding Christ...and What Not to Wear.: September 2007

No job. No job. No job.

Ok, so I have a job, but not the one I want.

It's not that i don't LOVE serving ungrateful people food...it's just that, well, I don't love serving ungrateful people food. And there are some choice folks whom I don't especially enjoy working with at the moment.

I want a full time teaching job!?!? Is that too much to ask for?? I'm all kinds of graduated and certified and what-not and I'm pretty certain I should be turning down jobs at this point. Where's the justice?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a funner note (i know funner is not a word leave me alone) I LOVE me some Rock of Love!!!!

Brett Michaels, from Poison, searched for love in 25 singles on Vh1 and they showed the "what you didn't see" a few weeks ago. He went on a group date with 3 girls and they were in the studio making a song. He wanted to play "butt bongos" on the single because he wanted a sound that no one could recreate. Here is an actual quote from Brett Michaels:

"Yes, I was looking for something organTic, something original. And just like snowflakes, no two smacks on the @$$ ever sound the same."

You are lovely, Brett Michaels.

OG don't mean "original gangsta" no mo....

I crap you not, I have just been introduced to the best invention since the pager! The pager!!! And I'm almost positive NO ONE has it! ~~My mom and step-dad~~ errr Some random folks who wish to remain nameless, stumbled upon this gold mine at the grand opening of a kitchen gadget store in Spokompton and shared it with me.

Here's the story:

Random lady went to the gadget store and won a door prize. Random Lady had no idea that what she won would change her life for EVER!!

Are you ready for what she won??????

((Drum roll and trumpets))

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...

ONION GOGGLES!!!
(Keep goggles in protective case when not in use...read the box, fool!)

May ALL the trials and tribulations of onion cutting fall to the wayside with this small gift from above!! NO MORE TEARS!!! NO MORE... umm, tears! And that's awesome enough that you only need one purpose for these goggles!

Not only are they practical, but they're trendy!

Hey lady, you goin to tha club or chooppin onions!

These glasses really are all you hope they'll be BUT BE WARNED! Utter jubilation over the amazing amazingness of these glasses may cause you to lose site of reality.......

((The following is a reenactment of a true story.))
1. You are finished chopping onions but have the strong desire to continue wearing your goggles. While enjoying dinner, you reach for your jar of lemonade:

2. You raise your glass to sip...

3. You spit out in HORROR!!!

4. You were too taken with your OG's to realize there were TWO jars on the table....

5. PICKLE JUICE!!

What a world.....

But as traumatizing as this experience is, there's still one thing that makes it worth it:

You still have THE ONION GOGGLES.

iThink iNeed help deciding.....

****** PS Does anyone see that 5 and 6 are jokes?******

I've been searching for a case for my iPhone and am calling in the troops for some iPinions on what iShould get.

Here's what iNeed (fine, I'll stop.):

1. Protection from the phone-eating gremlins who live in my purse and like to scratch pretty, shiny things made by Apple.

2. Protection from what some people call gravity and what I call a conspiracy. Don't you find it odd that something doesn't stay in your lap where you put it!!? Irregardless of whether or not you remain seated!? And haven't you noticed that it ONLY happens when you are getting out of your car onto pavement??

Coincidence? Or CONSPIRACY?

I've never had a phone holder/case before, but I really don't want to ruin my phone. Let me know what you think.

Option 1:

(+): It's discreet, is rubber and absorbs shock, and it has a cool thing on the back where you can wrap your earphones/hands free thingy.

(-): It's kind of bulky when you've got your earphones wrapped up.

OPTION 2:

(+): It's PINK, is rubber and absorbs shock, and is pink.

(-):

OPTION 3:

(+): Again, it's pink, and is a hard protective case.

(-): Kind of not cute pink, and does the hard case work better then the rubber for absorbing shock?

OPTION 4:

(+): This is great! I can still use a rubber protector and use this when it's in my purse to protect the face! AND there's somewhere to put my earphones.

(-): I could make something like this easily with a sewing machine. I could also make it in a cool material.

OPTION 5:

**This is real**

(+): No one will ever steal my case, no one will have the same one, and if I am ever a bridesmaid in 1994, my phone cover will match.

(-): My cellphone and Barbie will get in a knock down drag out fight over who looks better in maroon taffeta, and no one will talk to me if I own this.

OPTION 6:

**This is real, too**

(+): People can hear me walk into a room because the coins jingle, I can put my phone on vibrate and still hear it ring, I can probably find furniture to match, and if I lose my cell phone- chances are she joined a pack of gypsies and I'll find her at a local barter fair.

(-): My phone will probably join a pack of gypsies and I will have to go searching for her at a local barter fair because you just never know what kind of bad things there are at barter fairs.

No mas moviéndose!!!!

See! No more junk!

No more junk here:

And no more junk here:

My old apartment is junk free. So happy! Let's go home to celebrate....

Wait, what ABOUT the old junk?

What do you mean where is it now?

Ugh, Follow me....

A box here:

A pile here:

And a whole lotta why'd-I-keep-this here:

You know exactly where I'll be for a while.

And oh yeah, I found this shirt at Wal-Mart today and totally thought of you. :)

IF you can't see, it's only $3. Come on! Why don't they just GIVE it away!!

Moving Moving Moving. And a confession.

I seriously am moving.

This is the last load of crap at my old apartment.

On the counter is the BEST cleaner of all time. It's Grease Lightening. And that visor right next to it was something I ended up with after my day in the sun.

My grandma made the zig-zag blanket for me a few years back. It was as tight as a trampoline when I got it!

Two giant bins of books that I AIN'T LIFTIN!

Ok, I got that kitchen table at Goodwill for like $10. I didn't have anyone to help me, so I tried to stuff it into my car (04 jetta). lol. Didn't work. I then laid it flat on top of my car, wrapped tank top straps around the legs and shut the rest of the tank top in the car doors so they would stay. I drove it home like that and it was as ghetto as it sounds. I got home with no one to help me carry it and used the same tank tops as straps and carried it on my back like a nomad. To the 3rd floor.

And don't you love my mug! Starbucks, I hate to love you.

So, for my confession?

I have no idea what's in most of my boxes. Never moved like this before. Will blog when I am faced with regret.

**Photos courtesy of, you know it, my iPhone! sigh**