November 29, 2005

Atlanta Bus Depot A.K.A "HELL"

Soooo...I decided that riding a bus from Atlanta to South Carolina would beat the heck out of paying $600 to fly directly into S.C. I also decided that the bus depot wouldn't be that bad. I was right about beating the 600...but WRONG, DEAD WRONG about the bus depot.


Here's how it went:

I arrived at the airport with about 3 hours to spare before catching a bus to the Atlanta Depot. I went to the Greyhound Bus TRAILER (uh, yes, I said trailer)to have my will-call ticket printed up.

CREEK((the door opens))

Blank stare from Greyhound employee. Am trying not to make completely disgusted face. The room is foul and humid with Miss Employee of the year's hangover breath.

HG: Uhh...Hi...I'm supposed to catch a bus at noon."

Her: Wide eyes...annoyed...waiting for me to finish.

HG: um...where am i going to be doing that?

Her: Rat back thurr...B'hind this heah' traila' But it ain't fa' three hou-ahs.
I am clearly the biggest idiot she's seen all day. And her two little friends agree. It is freezing outside and i guess I best be findin' me somewhere ELSE to keep warm. I am NOT welcome in the trailer to wait.

I felt so unwelcomed and ready to get the hell out of there, that i forgot to print my tickets.

2.5 hours later I head back to hangover heaven for my ticket. The bus will arrive behind this heah' trailah in 30 minutes and I don't want to miss it.

I am greeted at the LOCKED door by a hand written sign that says "BE BACK 12:30." My bus LEAVES at 12:30. She has neglected to shut the blinds and I see her sitting in a chair...legs on the crooked on her shoulder...and food shoveling into her mouth. She sees me and makes NO motion to put her LUNCH BREAK on hold. LUnch break!?? Lunch break!? What has she done that she needs a lunch break?

I tell the bus driver my predicament when he arrives and i have no printed ticket:

BusDRIVER: "Damn lazy asses! I don't have tahm fah this crap. You gawn and tell the station whatcha told me."

I get on the bus without a ticket.

There is a young girl...I guess about 18...with a newborn baby. When we get off the bus I offer to help her carry some stuff.

She accepts my help and gets off the bus and puts her baby...very haphazardly...into the carrier and walks COMPLETELY away to get her luggage. UHH ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I take this opportunity to wrap the baby in warm blankets and adjust her comfortably in the carrier. And I'm talking NEW-BORN people! And she LEFT her..UNATTENDED...with a stranger!

Ok, now are you ready for the DEPOT? I said, "ARE YOU READY FOR THE DEPOT?!" That's better.

I had NO idea what I was about to encounter. Imagine, if you will, a can of sardines. But replace the can with a SMALL bus depot..and the sardines with HUMANS.

It is NOT an exaggeration when i say WALL TO WALL PEOPLE.

On top of being PACKED, there was NOTHING posted about where we were supposed to be. You couldn't move..let alone with your luggage. IT was survival of the fittest and I, apperantly, was the person to ask for help. I had about 7 people come up to me and ask how to read their tickets and where to go. The only way to find out was to get in this HUGE line and ask one of the TWO employees. I almost asked one of them to print me off an info sheet so I could direct some of the traffic.

Now...for the tour of this luxurious facility.

First stop, the restrooms:

BHECH!! is it REALLY that hard to wipe that off?!

And what about this!?:

It's just a shame I can't post the smell.

Now on to the gift shop! What joy.

Come one! Come all! Get 'em while they're hot! From Friendship, plastic, hang thingys, to cheaply made figurines, we've got'em all! And check out those unbeatable prices! I bet they pale in comparison to the quality!!

Attention gentlemen! Don't let lack of planning stop you from telling the woman you love that you want to spend the rest of your life with her! We've got engagement rings from 4.99 and up! Atlanta has a way of bringin' out the romance. What about a bracelet. The gift that keeps on giving....with our brilliant green residue, she'll never forget that you got her that gift! Even when she takes it off. And yeah, real gold does that!?

Get ya' snow globes heah! Get ya' cigarettes heah!! Don't foget'cha quality greyhound toy bus fah tha kiddies! We've got shot glasses! We've got mugs! And Ladies, NOthin' says i love you like a commemerative eagle clock!


Anonymous said...

i love how LOUD you laughed when i read this.... i miss you so much... love you tons....


Mr. Wonderful

MissMeliss said...

I, for one, am GLAD you could not post the smell of that restroom. Ugh. I'm so glad you survived that trip. You are a braver woman than I am. Really.

sasfdasfdljkfksdjkfjsd said...

i can't believe you blogged the bathrooms, i think this is the most well documented greyhoud trip i've ever seen!

I've hitchiked cross country and back a couple times and I'd be scared to go through atlanta on bus, hats off, and hilarious :)

Mike said... time you're flying, right?

Bart said...

Hitch-hiking option is sounding pretty good.

You have a great way with words and pictures... I felt like I was there.

I need to go take a shower.

Billy said...

Greyhound should be put down no doubt. Cheated me my brother and I out of $100.00 once but sounds like we got a bargain by not using the ticket. Since this experience I have pledge never, never, never to use a greyhound bus for transport.

HG I find this article about your little trip to travel hell so well written I am in awe. Including the gift shop was the final stroke of genius. To read about and see that pitiful collection of junk for sale put it all into perspective. Just plain cheap and tawdry and very depressing what a desperately lost places are bus stations.

For greyhound to be as dismal and crooked as it is it must be run by organized crime. The folks that work there have absolutely no concern for the customers, in fact I felt as though the down right hated me to the core when I was at the local station.

Thanks for taking the time.

mmsprig said...

FINALLLY. Someone that can understand why i sometimes sit in the train station lounge. The humor is beyond words...but you did good!!

FreeThinker said...

Yuck ... better to pay up the extra dough for an airplane! (Or a rental car!)

jamie said...

Yikes! I've heard nothing but bad things about Atlanta. Everytime my hubby drives there he gets in some sort of car accident. Apparently, taking the bus is just as bad. Glad to know you made it out alive. :)

Anonymous said...

WOW! I am definitely staying home from now on. I would like one of those eagle clocks though. I have it down in my Christmas list now. Thanks for the great advice. said...

This is obviously a business (Greyhound bus service) that only requires each customer once, as it seems unlikely anyone would use them twice!!


The Cubicle Reverend said...

I have always been more of a get in the car and drive it kind of guy. I think after years of driving 6 hrs. one way to Ma to visit the fam has done it to me.

The Cubicle Reverend said...


Chickadee said...

OMG!!! That's all I can think to say. America at its finest.

Patyrish said...

HOLY MOLY! Can I just say the picture of the bathroom made my stomach turn! THAT IS JUST NASTY and sad that no one cared to clean it up. BLECH! I have never taken a Greyhound and thanks to you and your pictures I DON'T PLAN ON EVER DOING IT! Sorry the trip back was so terrible!

Jaime said...

OH MY! The pictures of the bathroom just gave me the hives. Definitely the OCD in me... not enough Zoloft in the world for that shit - literally. ;)