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November 08, 2005

Have I Tamed the Wild Beast!?**Updated PS**

She's at it again. My PFP (Personal Food Pillager).
(Please keep in mind that I will do my best to recreate this verbatim.)

I got to class today and brought another bag of chips and a sandwich.

I opened my bag of chips.

Reached in for the first one.

Aimed the chip towards my mou-----

"CAN I HAVE ONE, DO YOU MIND?"

I HADN'T EVEN HAD ONE!! Deep breath.

"Sure.."


..........4 min later...........
She's spent the last 240 seconds avoiding eye contact with my potato skins:

"May I please have another??? :) " Practically begging.

Ok, honestly....


......Another 3 minutes later......

I kid you NOT!

"((whines like dog...gives huge grin)) PLEASE...Just one more!"

THAT'S IT! Keep in mind this was a very nice sarcastic tone but who flipping WHINES LIKE A DOG!? WHO DOES THAT!?!? So now, HG gets some balls:

"Uhh...you need to start bringing food for me! Cause every time I see you you're eating my lunch."

She freaking looks at me like I just flipped out for no reason.

"I can bring you food, that's no problem."

NO! You're right!!! That's NOT the problem...because I don't want YOUR food...I want MY food!!!! To which I say:

"They're only like 75 cents in the vending machine. Why don't you get some sometime?"

Her..."I can buy you a bag next time."

"No, I guess I should buy an extra one for you. haha"


....5 minutes later....

I end up getting pretty full and am starting to feel bad (FOR SOME WEIRD REASON.) So I offer her the rest of the chips:

"Here, I'm really done with them. Do you want the rest?"

"Are you sure!?" (Like...I saw how you just freaked out and I don't want you FREAKING out again. )

Can you believe this!? Well, it gets better!!

I give her the chips.

She licks the bag clean and giggles and points to the back nutritional information label.

"Hee hee... Look at this!" SHe has just pointed out to me that each bag contains 1.75 servings.

WTH!? Ok, what exactly was her motive?! That I'm freaking, freaking out over nothing cause there's clearly almost 2 servings!? OR Omg, this little amount is 2 servings!?

SHE'S SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!! IT'S KILLING ME!

Now...For what happens next, you may need to brace yourselves.

She laughs off the "joke" about serving size and SHAMELESSY ME GIVES ME THE TRASH!! THE EMPTY BAG!! That she CLEARLY felt "belonged" to me!!...so I could deal with it!!! WHY WOULD I WANT THE EMPTY BAG BACK!?

Uh uhhh, honey!! Those are YOUR chips now!!!

The girl next to me FINALLY intervened. I think she saw this whole thing go down and was a bit surprised at how uncouth my little friend actually was (is uncouth too strong?).

My new friend in the class said:

"Oh here, I'll throw that away for you!" (like, why the heck would she want with the empty bag that you just finished!)

THANK YOU FRIEND!

I wonder what Wednesday will bring.


PS In response to your comments... I've tried passive aggressive and she clearly didn't get it! Or...maybe she's winning here and gets it just fine!?

I'M TOO NICE!

22 comments:

ben.run said...

Those service sizes are always silly. They set them low so that the total calories per serving doesn't look so bad. But who only eats 57% of a bag of chips and then stops!!

Ben.

Hernesto G said...

see this is why girls are lame, if you've got a problem with her say "no, get your own chips you passive agressive cow" -- problem solved

whoiam said...

i think i agree with hernesto....only say it in a passive aggressive manner....beat her at her own game....

that girl has steel huevos!!!

MarylandMommy said...

.....bet you will be glad when this class is over

Linguist-in-Waiting said...

Is she a gluttonomaniac? Or whatever the technical term might be, just a person who cannot stop eating somebody else's food?

MG said...

Why not simply tell her, "No." She is clearly not getting the point and frankly, it's kind of weird asking an almost total stranger for food considering you're in an uppder academic setting.

Jayleigh said...

PS I love your song too!

Also, I'm thinking just bring NOTHING with you for several times in a row.

I had to do that at work. Someone kept stealing my gum that is in MY bag in the common drawer. Now, they don't steal it from my purse, it's just a little bag with aspirin and lipstick and change and whatever that I get to keep in my work area. But they were stealing it from my bag, so I started carrying one stick of gum from my purse to my work area and not keeping a whole pack in my bag.

Just a thought.

Jayleigh said...

Weird. It looks like my first comment didn't come through.

Basically I said this PFP is psycho and I cannot believe you put up with it.

What a crazy person!!! Does she think you live to bring her food??

midwest_hick said...

Ahhhhhh......I see you're taking baby steps on being assertive....lol...does she hunt you down or do you choose to sit close to her?

allison said...

i wouldn't be able to take it. you need to change seats.

Jessie said...

I think you need to get a can of those fake cans of nuts, the one where the snake pops out!

Sit that on your desk, of course she will ask for some!

Then you can get a laugh...and maybe she will get the point!

hehe

Muley said...

I think I saw Eddie Haskell do this on an episode of Leave it to Beaver once.

Next time, bring a bag of chips that you have taken the time to dip in jalapeno juice and let dry, and maybe have sprinkled some ground red pepper all over. Let her take the first one, and maybe she'll think twice about doing the doggie whine thing.

Of course, when she throws up, she'll probably expect you to clean it up.

Sheri said...

That's just plain weird.

Colleen said...

OMG!!!! I've been reading your "adventures" with Miss Piggy the last few days. Good grief. I'm kinda like you, I have a difficult time asserting myself but boy, you're going to have to speak up to this one.

Look at her and tell her "No." and look away and continue eating, or read and avoid eye contact. That would be my passive-assertive response. LOL.

ben.run said...

Another thought, given she thinks you freaked out already, next time you should REALLY freak out!!!

Either that ot you could consider it your calling to proide chips to this girl, and thefore look on the whole thing as a positve uplifting experience. Most things are just a matter of point of view :-)

Ben.

David said...

yes, you are too nice, but that is a better way to be than too rude. see you later

stan said...

Buy a small bag of red licorice, open it up, and load the bottom end of each piece with salt (break up one piece to plug the ends so it doesn't spill). Leave one or two pieces unloaded, but leave them out of the bag.

Walk into class the next day with the open bag, and an unloaded piece in your mouth (for believability). When she mooches a piece out of the bag and starts eating it, she will learn her lesson. Hopefully with a shriek.

stan said...

Oh, whoops, I didn't read the previous comments. The red pepper thing is good, too.

Busted Flip Flop said...

You are a very nice and patient person. I would have called her on the mooching by now.

Is she over weight or something? Maybe she's on a diet and your food is what's letting her cheat? Or diabetic...or just a snack hog. :P

Dorothy said...

I worked with a guy like that. Only, if you'd let him have one chip, he'd just come back and take whatever else he wanted.

Once someone brought in a bag of bit-sized Snickers Bars (TM) and he *actually opened* the outer plastic bag and helped himself without asking, while the guy was on a coffee break!!!

My point? I hear ya. But these folks must live on a different planet, or they'd have a clue.

My advice? Ignore it. Say "bring your own" or "if I'm full, you can have the rest" or nothing at all. You have the right to your belongings.

(just a thought -- is this girl a Christian? Remind her that coveting your neighbor's chips is against the 10 commandments!)

Peace,

Dot.

JRT said...

I'm so glad I'm a man. First of all, guys don't normally do stuff like that girl does. Second, if they did, I would never let it get to that point. "Dude, get your own: wtf?"

Patyrish said...

OMG this entry made me laugh so hard!!! I CAN'T STAND SITUATIONS LIKE THIS! It ALWAYS happens to me too, ya know when you don't want to do something but then when you don't you feel bad (I also have no idea why....I guess our conscious is sensitive?) I can't believe she gave you back the bag....I would have been at a loss for words! I mean I have shared many a bag of chips with friends but I would never just ask or delve into a bag of chips of someone I just met a few seconds prior.....I AM A VERY SHARING type person too, it's whne people take advantage is what drives ya nuts.

Good luck with the pillager. Keep us posted!

Trish
http://mynewnormal.blogspot.com/
http://www2.caringbridge.org/fl/makilyangel/