(Please keep in mind that I will do my best to recreate this verbatim.)
I got to class today and brought another bag of chips and a sandwich.
I opened my bag of chips.
Reached in for the first one.
Aimed the chip towards my mou-----
"CAN I HAVE ONE, DO YOU MIND?"
I HADN'T EVEN HAD ONE!! Deep breath.
..........4 min later...........
She's spent the last 240 seconds avoiding eye contact with my potato skins:
"May I please have another??? :) " Practically begging.
......Another 3 minutes later......
I kid you NOT!
"((whines like dog...gives huge grin)) PLEASE...Just one more!"
THAT'S IT! Keep in mind this was a very nice sarcastic tone but who flipping WHINES LIKE A DOG!? WHO DOES THAT!?!? So now, HG gets some balls:
"Uhh...you need to start bringing food for me! Cause every time I see you you're eating my lunch."
She freaking looks at me like I just flipped out for no reason.
"I can bring you food, that's no problem."
NO! You're right!!! That's NOT the problem...because I don't want YOUR food...I want MY food!!!! To which I say:
"They're only like 75 cents in the vending machine. Why don't you get some sometime?"
Her..."I can buy you a bag next time."
"No, I guess I should buy an extra one for you. haha"
....5 minutes later....
I end up getting pretty full and am starting to feel bad (FOR SOME WEIRD REASON.) So I offer her the rest of the chips:
"Here, I'm really done with them. Do you want the rest?"
"Are you sure!?" (Like...I saw how you just freaked out and I don't want you FREAKING out again. )
Can you believe this!? Well, it gets better!!
I give her the chips.
She licks the bag clean and giggles and points to the back nutritional information label.
"Hee hee... Look at this!" SHe has just pointed out to me that each bag contains 1.75 servings.
WTH!? Ok, what exactly was her motive?! That I'm freaking, freaking out over nothing cause there's clearly almost 2 servings!? OR Omg, this little amount is 2 servings!?
SHE'S SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!! IT'S KILLING ME!
Now...For what happens next, you may need to brace yourselves.
She laughs off the "joke" about serving size and SHAMELESSY ME GIVES ME THE TRASH!! THE EMPTY BAG!! That she CLEARLY felt "belonged" to me!!...so I could deal with it!!! WHY WOULD I WANT THE EMPTY BAG BACK!?
Uh uhhh, honey!! Those are YOUR chips now!!!
The girl next to me FINALLY intervened. I think she saw this whole thing go down and was a bit surprised at how uncouth my little friend actually was (is uncouth too strong?).
My new friend in the class said:
"Oh here, I'll throw that away for you!" (like, why the heck would she want with the empty bag that you just finished!)
THANK YOU FRIEND!
I wonder what Wednesday will bring.
PS In response to your comments... I've tried passive aggressive and she clearly didn't get it! Or...maybe she's winning here and gets it just fine!?
I'M TOO NICE!