HER: Aren't you in my class?
ME: Yeah, hey.
HER: Do you mind if I join you?
ME: Yes I mind because I am sitting here enjoying my Ritz crackers and am working hard on this paper that should be done right now!? Sure.
I offer some crackers to my new friend and she proceeds to HELP HERSELF in every possible sense imaginable. We're talkin' half a sleeve of my Ritz, people.
The truth be told, I felt kind of bad for her. I had all this great study food and she didn't have anything. I felt empathy and warmth because I shared my food. I am such a good person.
~~~~~~~~~FLASH FORWARD TO MONDAY~~~~~~~
I am eating a SMALL bag of the best, most-delicious chips EVER (TGIF Potato Skins), when in walks my new friend from the library. (Please note: before this date she sat comfortably on the other side of the room.)
HER: hey! (Locks eye contact with my chips, gives an 'ooh, what're we havin' today' look, and then helps herself! Again! But this time, WITHOUT ASKING!! Did you hear me? SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK!)
Let's get something straight, right now! I was eating a SMMAAALL bag. THe kind with 8 chips. A snack for one! Only to be shared with a best friend, significant other, or small starving child! What is up with you!
It was after she ate my chip that she decided to move her PERMENANT seat in the room to right next to me.
~~~FLASH FORWARD TO TODAY~~~~~~~~
Class has started and we are getting a lecture. I eat my sandwich quietly and then switch to my almonds.
HER: Oooh...whatcha' eatin? (Now, she mumbles this as she's avoiding eye contact and darting her eyes straight for my backpack which holds the goods.)
ME: What??? ( What do you want?? Did you say something??)
HER: (bashful and did she hear me? Then she says) You're funny..hehe.
WTH!??? Like you didn't just ask me for food? Well it ain't gonna happen, babe!!! Don't even think of it! I'm not your personal soup kitchen!!!
So this I say to you my stalker!!!!
In the nicest way possible. TRULY THE NICEST WAY.
STOP EATING MY FOOD!!!