Wine + Sun = 2 X Drunk

Holy hell.

Did you know that if you lay out by the pool from 1130am-7pm...on an empty stomach...and start drinking wine at 4, you will be muy, muy borracho (? In true, scientific, experimental fashion, I have proved this theory to be accurate. But OMG it was fun!

Apparently all of the people who live in my complex have LOTS of fun at the pool! I did not know this. I went out by myself yesterday and have made about 20 new friends who are just as bored this summer as I am.

This morning I woke up at 830am by a weed wacker outside my window. I also woke up with what felt like a round house kick to the temple.

Other then a hangover...here's what I acquired yesterday....

I tan line:



A floatie:



A coozie:



Left over beer that I don't drink:



A bottle of sunscreen:



And a half eaten pickle in my sink that I have NO clue where it came from:




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Now for a shot of another creepy crawly!!!! :)

I found him dead on the sidewalk:



And this is my friend Jason with our new friend:

What makes me lazy?

I can't really understand why I'm so lazy. I think it's my ADD. I don't like starting something I can't finish...and I need to do like 10 things at once. So starting one thing is BORING.... So I start nothing.

I understand myself now!

Blogging rules.

Because I'm pretty sure these two things have nothing to do with it:











9 LASTS!!

Last dollar spent:
Because, ok!! It holds water and it's so cute!!!


Last beverage:


Does drinking your dinner count as a beverage? And these are amazing! And only 1 carb!


Last phone call: Rob

Last kiss: Alan

Last hug: Alan

Last text msg received: My friend texted me with his wife's number

Last text msg sent: "Pool at rob's at 10 tom...call u at 930" To alan.

Last birthday: Ummmmmm....My friend katie's fiance.

Hilarity!... and some more stuff.

Last night was game night! I had Dylan and a few other friends over and we played trivial pursuit. To which I got pummeled. I had 3 pie pieces in the end to everyone else's FULL SET. Dylan also took the game by answering an entire CARD of questions...instead of just one.

I hate your face, Dylan.

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Because I'm so boring and have nothing interesting to say about my summer... I'll share other people's funny stuff.


My step dad showed me this video and I could not stop laughing about it!! I love it, why do I love it so much!

Pissed Off Catholic Mother



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MW showed me these two videos that are so awesome! Extremely ridiculous, but funny.


So Smooth




The Other Son




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Now, a continuation of something I started a few days ago...


43 Little Known Facts about HUMOR GIRL cont...

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes! Because I think I'm funny, even when other people don't.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Always...

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
NO!!!! I would die of a heart attack

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Special K with Berries.... It's so good.

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I'll leave you on a good note. My tivo has just recorded an episode of Extreme Makeover, 3 episodes of Arrested Development, 2 episodes of I Propose, 1 Sex and the City, and 1 Animal Cops Detroit.... And I still haven't watched Entourage. You know where I'll be.

It was sunny and beautiful 9 minutes ago

Welcome to Texas. Kibosh on the tanning idea I suppose.


********UPDATE***********

Now here's what it looks like as of 45 min ago... approx 20 min after it looked like it did before...




Ahhhh, Texas.

MOTHER!!!?! STUPID GREHGHGHGHGHGH!

Well, I didn't get the job.

Back to square one.

With no prospects and a waiting job that ain't paying the bills and I really hate that I have no prospects. I know everything will work out and there's "a job out there for me" but come on!! To the person who has NO patience for anything!?!??

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So I guess I will do a meme. Not really sure why they call it that, but I'll do it. BUT I'll do it in installments when I'm bored. I found "43 Little Known Facts About (Insert Name)" over at Slackermama because she is awesome and her blog is beautiful and i want to steal her layout and design that she did herself!!

43 Little Known Facts about HUMOR GIRL

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Uhhh... No, I think Jen was a default name in the 80's.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
When I was puking 2 nights ago. Not from drinking btw.

3. Do you like your handwriting?
Sometimes, but I'm lazy and it usually sucks and is not legible.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Ham... but I usually eat turkey. Why is that?

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
No, and I'm not married either!?! Thanks for rubbing it in!

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I will now spend the rest of the day wallowing in my sorrow and may drink wine and make bomb threats or something. Either that or Tivo. Or maybe I should use this opportunity to reflect and better myself and create new job prospe--- OH SHUT UP AND PASS ME THAT GLASS.

Randomly Randomness

Miss Britt showed me about this fun way to see yourself as an M&M.



That's me as an M&M but with better hair. Complete with cellphone, cause duh I'm not found without it even as candy coated chocolate.

Do it! You know you want to!

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And have I mentioned that I live in the Amazon? I've never lived anywhere in town that has so many bugs and creepies and spiders and it's seriously like I live in the jungle.

I found her in my hamper:



(She's in a plastic bag for her own good.)

I saw her out of the corner of my eye don't ask me how:




And I found him on my way out to the the car:





I actually posted the last picture as full motivation to get a manicure. Shame.

I also have no idea why I've taken it upon myself to gender label my new friends.

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Meanwhile, I'm waiting to hear back from schools about jobs.

DON'T DO IT!!!!

Save yourselves!! Run far far away!! I've taken the fall for everyone and am passing on my wisdom as a "Get out of Jail free" card of sorts and you will be a fool not to take me up on this.

"Transformers" was the WORST movie I have ever seen. In my life! Bar None! Will have flashbacks for eternity. I hurt.

I could tell you all of the horrible things I would rather do instead of see this movie, but I don't have enough time to list EVERYTHING in the free world.

Our experience was botched from the start. We went to see the "PreShowing."

Ask yourself:

"Who would be at a pre-showing?"

FREAKS I TELL YOU! Teenage boys and men who are still teenage boys who were huge fans in the 80s. 83-86 to be exact and I'll tell you why I know that in one second.

10:30pm

We sit in the theater, near the front because 30 minutes just wasn't early enough, and wait for the movie. Mere moments after hearing some boys talking about doing the old "one person take two stubs outside and come in with one new person who hasn't paid trick", I see two "officials" with headsets milling around the theater. YES!! Am I watching reality tv? Am i going to see these kids get busted!??

The officials talk and point for a bit and then break off. One hits the back of the theater the other the front. YIPPEEE! The guy at the front cups his mouth and makes an announcement:

"Hey, how you guys doin tonight??" When he doesn't get the response he's looking for, he asks again. And then (insert best radio/camp counselor voice) "Alright!! For those of you that haven't been to a preshowing before this is how it works: I like to give away free stuff and you can get that free stuff by answering some trivia questions!! But in order to answer these questions you've got to be crazy!!! And I mean CRAZY!! If you know the answer, stand up and act as wild as you can and I'll give you a chance to answer!!!"

WHAT in the HELL is going on?? What is going on?? Why aren't there teenage boys peeing their pants in trouble!? Why do I feel like there should be a campfire and I should have a skit prepared? Why is this happening? I am not comfortable with this!

As if it's not bad enough to have Ty Pennington's protégé leading the troops, we have a crowd that goes APE $h!t!!! I don't mean there was some Buzz around the joint, I mean they lost their $h!t. Between all the teenage boys and the 45 year old guy in the unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt with the Transformers t-shirt underneath, I was two seconds away from clawing my face off.

He asks several questions and gives away free movie tickets. But don't be fooled, he's done this before....

Just when we thought it was over, he pulls out the big guns......

((duuuuuuunnnnnnhh.....duuuunnnnnnnhhhhh......duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnhhhh timpani drum beats rhythmically

The Pièce de résistance....

((DUN DUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNHHHHH))

The movie poster!!!!!


Imagine how Backstreet Boys concert in 2000 it got up in there??

The man in the Hawaiian shirt took the prize when he answered what years the original transformers aired...hence my 83-86 knowledge.

11:10pm

Movie starts

11:30pm

I want to leave. DESPERATELY.


1:30AM!!

IT'S FINALLY OVER!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HILL!?!?!?!

Unbearably cheesy. Main actress is cute but sucks. Plot horrible. BORING BORING BORING.

Don't see it.

Trust me.

Tis what happens when you loan someone your car.

My family moved to Colorado last month and needed something to do with my sisters car.

They found something to do with the car.

Here is said car:



The something they found was my sisters bestfriend. She needed a car for the summer. She's not great at driving a stick and we've got the proof.

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Also, these little lizard things are everywhere! And they ain't camera shy neither.



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One more random picture.

We found this spider web at my friends house!



We threw a moth into it and within 4 seconds the spider was wrapping it into a cocoon.

Now, hold the phone PETA! I didn't throw the moth and i was against it.. but it's all in the name of science.

What the heck do I write about.

My life is so boring.

I have 2 and a half job prospects...so that's good!?

The half is a guy who says he'll call me back in a week and then waits a month or so to actually do it. Imagine that.

I've also decided to give you a play-by-play of my summer thus far:

Drink wine
Stay up late
work
Drink wine
and find time to drink wine in between.

Ode to a bored teacher on summer break.