This month....And the day from Hizell.

I know. I suck. And in the words of Misguided Mommy:



This teaching gig is kicking me to the curb. On top of germs that only 12 year olds can carry, I've been exposed to the very crippling disease "Youllneverhavetimeforeverythingitis"

And did I mention the hives? Yeah...they won't go away. "Oh my gosh, are you okay Miss Humor??" "Yes, I'm fine, thanks for making me fully aware of how much you can see them in this florescent light. YOU HAVE HOMEWORK NOW!"

So, my day from hizzy...

It started out just fine. I called my Dr. on my conference period and they said they would see me at 5:45. Seeing that I get out of work at 4, that's enough time, right?

WRONG. You are so wrong, HG. You are SO off base it's ridiculous.

I had some trouble in the classroom, so I got to call a parent after school! I decided to call her on my way to the doctor.

Well, I got so distracted on the phone that I missed my exit. I turned around on the freeway, and brainlessly took the same exit I just got off on. Not kidding. I turned around, and in the time it took me to turn around again there was miserable traffic. And then this:



Of course.

And then about 1,000 of these:



I ended up being 45 minutes late. I had to stop for gas and spilled gas on my pants.

Did I mention that I lost my planner? Yeah, and I looked ALL over school for it for about 30 minutes. I found it:




Other then that, I've been cooking:



And doping up on this:



Oh yeah!! And the best of the best!!!!!

I made the best investment I've ever made in my life:



It's a neck and shoulder massager and it is amazing.

Ok. Must sleep.

The things I'm not proud of...

Today. For dinner. I had Dairy Queen.

I ate FRIED STEAK, FRENCH FRIES, GRAVY, TEXAS TOAST, and a BLIZZARD.

For my dinner.

I am the second most disgusting person I know.


Today. On my way home from work. I got physically excited about coming home to "The Real World" on my tivo. I watch The Real World! I watch the Real World because I'm ADDICTED! BECAUSE I LOVE IT. BECAUSE I AM TEAM PARISA!! AND I DESPISE TRISHA!

I am fully aware of my patheticness.



Go to the this link and go to about 5 min. Trisha will tell you how great she is.
http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1574227&vid=188909

FINALLY I'M BACK!!!!!

I FINALLY got my password back! Someone hacked my myspace, blogger, and gmail passwords and I FINALLY got access to my gmail and blogger! Very exciting.

Here is the world's cutest dog to get you by until i can sit down and really write...

I found this

We had state testing ALL day yesterday. I had students that weren't necessarily mine. ALL DAY. The girl in the front row may never ask me a question again for I cannot handle telling her "this is a test, I cannot tell you if you're wrong or right."

I let some of the kids play with my phone for a minute or two after the test. I found these tonight...






I'm probably fired. You think i could get canned for letting them run a muck after the test?

But seriously, I'm so glad she's not in my class.

Possibly the funniest person ever

I worked with this guy named Eric and we used to make fun of people who were really country. We'd spend whole shifts talking like trailer trash. Here is a letter I just received from him on myspace. I laugh harder every time I read it:


Ya'll stop making Bobbi Dale mad!!!!! Stopit Now!!

Dear Lurlene Marie and Cecil, Yall best not let meemaw know that Bobby Dale farted in line at Luby's after the cornbread festival last Sundee. Yall been spreadin it around like honey butter all over yalls myspaces yall. I know yall told Peepaw it was the steamed collard greens the little oriental lady put in the winda' , but he aint stupid. He's just blind as a rooster. He can smell yall. Love yall, Billy Don

Ready for Monday!

I've crammed 3 weeks worth of "new teacher" prep into 4 days. I'm kicking myself for not taking before pictures of my new room. DUST. DISORGANIZATION.

Let's get started....

Welcome to my room:



Here is the student workstation. Everything is accounted for, so don't be stealin' no pencils, fool, I know where you work!:

Oh no, internet!! What do I do with no money to decorate???

I'll just staple crap (homemade construction paper crap) to the walls!!! Those are the rules that my classes made with their old teacher. Each one is a period...and each period has a COLOR! MORE EXCITING COLOR ORGANIZATION! I swear, 1st period is red and I have a red folder that I put their work in.:

My turn in baskets are UN-labeled...the humanity!

Here's what the kids see:


Here's what I see. Heaven in the form of COLOR COORDINATED TABLES! It took me FOREVER to get the tables right. From the front of the room, I can see ALL of their precious faces:



Let's look closer...

Here is Table A (the orange paper on the floor is where the front desks line up..because I'm all anal like that. Oh yeah, and each desk has a number, too. SO HAPPY!):

This is the lab station for group A:

And these are the goggles for table A, in the drawer for table A, with the orange label for table A!! The goggles were in a huge pile next to boxes of books under tons of dust.:

What's the plan for this week? Well, a make shift schedule box with a half written in schedule, I'll say!



Here's my computer. It's good to see that Dell and I are talking again. We had a major falling out after he decided to go all crazy on me and put any letters he wanted to when I typed. Conveniently right in the middle of a term paper. Now, if i were Dell, I'd be just fine after someone spilled a glass of water into my keys:


My desk... You people of the familial variety best reconize yo self? You know I gots ta see you on the regular!






Ok. Must. Sleep.

I'm just now leaving school..

The guy that was teaching before me was old fashioned to say the
least. Dust EVERYWHERE. Assignments in the most random, unorganized
places... ALL over the room. I completely revamped and I'm pissed I
didnt snap a before pic.

It's official, peeps

Nasty badge picture= salary

If you only knew...

******PUKE WARNING FOR WEAK BELLIED PREGGOS!!! :)*****

The short posts may become popular because I've just learned how to
blog from my phone!

Anyway, this is why my boss doesn't make the girls use the employee bathroom:

This is the traffic on my way to work

I SO spoke too soon!!!!!!!!!

I got me some employment up in her'!!!!!! At a high payin' establishment!!! The highest payin' school district in TAY-Haas to be exact!! YEEE HAW!


Seriously, don't ask me how:

THE INTERVIEW
(THURSDAY)

3:20PM- Left my subbing job early to get to the interview on time at 4:30PM.

3:21PM- Raced down stairs to get the hell out of dodge and "stumbled" into this equation...



WIDE LEG PANTS + HEELS - TIME / STAIRS= Inadvertently whaling water bottle into wall to save tail from possible -plegia.

In other words, I almost got crippled but bashed the water bottled to save my life!

(**Remember this.)

3:40PM- I am driving. All is good.

3:41PM- I am not moving. All is not good.

3:50PM- I am not freaking moving.

4:13PM- I have moved enough to see the wreck! The dumb, avoidable wreck! The wreck that involved people who are out to destroy me! Am forced to make a call to interviewees informing of my official lateness!? I am going to be LATE! Late to an interview. LATE I TELL YOU! STOP looking at me!!! Yes I'm yelling at nobody, but you're the one in the wreck!! YOU WRECKER!!!!

4:15PM- Am breathless. Have regained composure to call the people who will never hire me because I am late. Look down to grab phone and notice that my water bottle has suffered some damage from "The Crash of 3:21" , or so it will forever be known.

Aww...poor water bottle. Poor, defenseless, broken, w---hat the hell!!!?!?!?!

MY RESUME!!!? My SOAKED, RUINED, RESUME!!?!?!? I HATE YOU WATER BOTTLE!

4:40PM- I am late. My voice is quaking. Feel frazzled and unprepared. Have no resume because no resume is better then soaked resume. DOOM.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got the job!

No job. No job. No job.

Ok, so I have a job, but not the one I want.

It's not that i don't LOVE serving ungrateful people food...it's just that, well, I don't love serving ungrateful people food. And there are some choice folks whom I don't especially enjoy working with at the moment.

I want a full time teaching job!?!? Is that too much to ask for?? I'm all kinds of graduated and certified and what-not and I'm pretty certain I should be turning down jobs at this point. Where's the justice?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


On a funner note (i know funner is not a word leave me alone) I LOVE me some Rock of Love!!!!


Brett Michaels, from Poison, searched for love in 25 singles on Vh1 and they showed the "what you didn't see" a few weeks ago. He went on a group date with 3 girls and they were in the studio making a song. He wanted to play "butt bongos" on the single because he wanted a sound that no one could recreate. Here is an actual quote from Brett Michaels:

"Yes, I was looking for something organTic, something original. And just like snowflakes, no two smacks on the @$$ ever sound the same."

You are lovely, Brett Michaels.

OG don't mean "original gangsta" no mo....

I crap you not, I have just been introduced to the best invention since the pager! The pager!!! And I'm almost positive NO ONE has it! My mom and step-dad errr Some random folks who wish to remain nameless, stumbled upon this gold mine at the grand opening of a kitchen gadget store in Spokompton and shared it with me.

Here's the story:

Random lady went to the gadget store and won a door prize. Random Lady had no idea that what she won would change her life for EVER!!

Are you ready for what she won??????

((Drum roll and trumpets))

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...

ONION GOGGLES!!!
(Keep goggles in protective case when not in use...read the box, fool!)

May ALL the trials and tribulations of onion cutting fall to the wayside with this small gift from above!! NO MORE TEARS!!! NO MORE... umm, tears! And that's awesome enough that you only need one purpose for these goggles!

Not only are they practical, but they're trendy!



Hey lady, you goin to tha club or chooppin onions!

These glasses really are all you hope they'll be BUT BE WARNED! Utter jubilation over the amazing amazingness of these glasses may cause you to lose site of reality.......

((The following is a reenactment of a true story.))
1. You are finished chopping onions but have the strong desire to continue wearing your goggles. While enjoying dinner, you reach for your jar of lemonade:



2. You raise your glass to sip...




3. You spit out in HORROR!!!



4. You were too taken with your OG's to realize there were TWO jars on the table....



5. PICKLE JUICE!!



What a world.....

But as traumatizing as this experience is, there's still one thing that makes it worth it:

You still have THE ONION GOGGLES.

iThink iNeed help deciding.....

****** PS Does anyone see that 5 and 6 are jokes?******

I've been searching for a case for my iPhone and am calling in the troops for some iPinions on what iShould get.

Here's what iNeed (fine, I'll stop.):

1. Protection from the phone-eating gremlins who live in my purse and like to scratch pretty, shiny things made by Apple.





2. Protection from what some people call gravity and what I call a conspiracy. Don't you find it odd that something doesn't stay in your lap where you put it!!? Irregardless of whether or not you remain seated!? And haven't you noticed that it ONLY happens when you are getting out of your car onto pavement??

Coincidence? Or CONSPIRACY?


I've never had a phone holder/case before, but I really don't want to ruin my phone. Let me know what you think.

Option 1:






(+): It's discreet, is rubber and absorbs shock, and it has a cool thing on the back where you can wrap your earphones/hands free thingy.

(-): It's kind of bulky when you've got your earphones wrapped up.

OPTION 2:





(+): It's PINK, is rubber and absorbs shock, and is pink.

(-):

OPTION 3:





(+): Again, it's pink, and is a hard protective case.

(-): Kind of not cute pink, and does the hard case work better then the rubber for absorbing shock?

OPTION 4:




(+): This is great! I can still use a rubber protector and use this when it's in my purse to protect the face! AND there's somewhere to put my earphones.

(-): I could make something like this easily with a sewing machine. I could also make it in a cool material.

OPTION 5:




**This is real**

(+): No one will ever steal my case, no one will have the same one, and if I am ever a bridesmaid in 1994, my phone cover will match.

(-): My cellphone and Barbie will get in a knock down drag out fight over who looks better in maroon taffeta, and no one will talk to me if I own this.


OPTION 6:




**This is real, too**


(+): People can hear me walk into a room because the coins jingle, I can put my phone on vibrate and still hear it ring, I can probably find furniture to match, and if I lose my cell phone- chances are she joined a pack of gypsies and I'll find her at a local barter fair.

(-): My phone will probably join a pack of gypsies and I will have to go searching for her at a local barter fair because you just never know what kind of bad things there are at barter fairs.