(I'm following Amalah's footsteps and doing a play-by-play of my evening. So you may all see the exact order of my tool-i-ness.)
3:29- Already late and still have to iron my work-shirt. Turn heat up too high and cook rust colored starch stain onto pocket. Wonderful.
3:41- Catch a glimpse of my terrifyingly, overgrown eyebrows in rearview!! Am repulsed! Attempt to pluck them with finger-tweezers.
3:42 -Finger tweezer plan has gone completely awry. The 2 hairs are still there and have taken on new life forms. Curly, wiry life forms. Cannot stop playing with them. I wonder if they look as obvious as they feel..?
4:01- Am walking into work...but still thinking of excuses to call in sick.
4:02- I would kill for a Hershey's bar.
4:10- Wth?? There is a yellow, banded collar, short sleeve shirt hanging up in back that is uglier then sin. Someone owns it. A guy!?
I stop to admire...
Need camera batteries so can have pictures for all to see. Shirt is remarkably similar...but was uglier. And only had buttons 4 down from the collar.
This was pretty much my face at the scene of the crime.
4:22- Have just caught sight of Perfect Butt Girl and feel sad at the death of my diet.
4:23- Would kill Butt Girl for a Hershey's bar.
4:24- Since Hershey bar nowhere in sight, will make "new diet" declaration.
4:30- Work meeting is starting. Campagne tasting! I think love my job, right now.
4:38- Feet and hands numb. Check. Can't stop laughing with L.A. Check. Would rather be anywhere else laughing with L.A. Check.
4:55- Work meeting is ajourned. I am drunk. So is everyone else. Can't stop quoting Zoolander.
5:05- Have eaten 3 rolls and a quarter of a piece of chocolate cake. "Yeah, it's GREAT butt girl! Too bad you "can't have any!" and "don't need it." Blah! "
5:09- Have eaten another roll...this time with alfredo and bacon.
5:20- Someone really needs to do this guy a favor and burn that stupid yellow shirt. Who's is it? I'm still drunk.
6:55- SO SLOW. Am annoying everyone with talking like Zoolander.
6:59- Sneak cell phone into bathroom to check messages because am so, utterly bored and haven't checked them in like 2 weeks.
7:01- Apron string is now wet thanks to toilet. Awesome.
7:02- Won't have time to check because of wet nastiness that is my work uniform.
7:03- Permanent fake smile.
7:04- Am still starved.
7:05- Wish I had more champagne...