All's Well That Ends... BAD!!? Really, really BAD!

I am "supposed" to be working out right now. That was the plan. But I have come to the conclusion that even mari windsor can't create a workout that is lazy enough for me.

Also, my eating took a turn for the worse! This, I believe, is what lead to the demise of my workout plan.

It all started great:

1 Turkey Burger (no bun)
1 lo-fat string cheese
1 stem of grapes

I felt great! I wasn't even hungry... when I saw it...

...in all it's chocolate-y...nougaty-y...cookie, caramel-y goodnesses.....

THE MOTHERLOAD!!
(psycho shower scene stab sounds)

ReeeeEEEeeenh....

ReeeEEEEeeeenh......

ReeeeEEEeeeenhh......

ReeeEEEEeeeenh!!

NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! For the love of humanity... NOOOO!!!!! All iwanted was an ice pack!? And tihs is what I find in the bottom drawer just BEGGING for me to take them in..

I think it's quite clear what happened next. My eat-right-plan went to the crapper! I blame Twix personally for my lack of motivation to work out.

(I was going to take a picture of my wrappers, but i felt serious shame when I set them up for a photo shoot.)

Mission Beach: Viewer Discretion Advised

My family and I recently spent some time vacationing on Mission Beach. Aside from running into perfect weather, we ran into some crazy people! I will now provide pictures with captions. :)

This is SKATE MAN.

He dance skated in slow motion to classical music that was playing from a mini radio around his neck.

He was there EVERYDAY! :)













This is BIG HAIR LADY.

You can't see in the picture how big her hair actually was...But, the guy in the yellow and grey suit is staring at her...so that should tell you that it was really, really big. :)








This is TATTOO GUY.

From the our condo, I thought he was black with light tattoos!

But it's just a lot of tattoos. :)



After I took this picture he turned and waved.






This is.... DISASTER MAN.

That is a CREASER!?

And the front view wasn't much better.

More power to him!











AND NOW..... LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!!

BUTTPAINT MAN! :)


Yes...that is a g-string and BODYPAINT.

Also featured: Madonna, finger-less gloves circa 1985, white sox, yellow rollerskates, and a Guns & Roses mullet!

He also had a man purse. Which made the outfit.







Just to let you know how RULE my camera is!.... I took this picture from really, really far away.

Quick Question...

Does Anyone Know How I could add a what I'm reading list to my side par?? I'm so new at this!

PS...Does anyone know if you can construct a page with FrontPage for blogger?

Send me some love..

I need some comments!

Is this your first time here? If so, where'd you come from?

Do you check in on me from time to time?

If anything...just say hi!!! :) I wanna make sure I'm not alone here!

25 Things About Me..You Probably Didn't Know

1.I got de-pantsed in 7th grade.

2. I sing in the car!

3. I've never seen Lord of the rings...and I probably never will.

4. I love when my mascera gets in my eyes and I get to pull it out in a big long goop!

5. The trunk of my car is a graveyard for errands I never got around to. Work meeting stuff...lilbrary books...crap for goodwill. I'm seriously losing gas mileage.

6. I hate putting away my clothes.

7. I'm obsessive compulsive in a not tidy way. I once got the idea that I wanted to make Christmas cards out of construction paper. I spent a week on the couch surrounded by construction scraps, scissors, and a glue-stick. I think I got two cards out of the deal. But they were really, really good.

8. I'm allergic to cats, dogs, some food..... And I have asthma.

9. All the clocks I own are fast. They're set at different times so I'll be tricked into being on time. It doesn't work. Now I only believe the one clock that is pretty much right.

10. My ears are pierced, but I never wear earrings.

11. I only wear Clinique.

12. My favorite perfume right now is Dolce & Gabanna Lite Blue.

13. I NEVER check my voicemails. I don't know why. I think i'm just lazy.

14. I've never been to Hawaii

15. I drive a jetta that is 3,000 miles over due for a check up.

16. When i wear orange, I look jaundice.

17. I love Jessica Simpson.

18. I've eaten an entire bag of hershey's kisses in one sitting......On more than one occasion.

19. I own 15 college shirts......and none of them are for the college I go to. :)

20. I can tie a mean double windsor!

21. My favorite color is purple...but I wear more blue.

22. I LOVE COFFEE.

23. I am ALWAYS late...and am running late right now.

24. I met a guy on a plane ride once that told me he used a washcloth every time he deuced. If that wasn't enough, he proceeded to show me the washcloth that was tucked neatly in his FANNYPACK. The 2 hour plane ride provided me with his full life background, the fact that he was now a stripper, the name of his "escourt" service, and an offer to tutor him in reading. He was talking so loud that i was afraid people were going to associate him with me.
Note to you: Pretend to be asleep if you get sat on a plane next to someone with a fannypack

25. I've never seen a Star Wars movie. EVER.

Can't They Tell I Don't Want To Be Bothered?

I find it strange when people have NO idea that they're being invasive. No idea that they are intruding on my space or personal peace. No idea that I don't care to further discuss a matter at hand.

I stopped by target on the way to get my oil changed. I bought some spirals for notes and writing, a great book , tweezers, and a battery charger for my digital camera (hence the great pics.)

All the lines had about 2 people, so i chose to get behind the person with the most stuff. (I like to catch up on my US Weekly, InTouch, and Life & Style.) There I was, quietly reading about caleb life, when a woman behind me began to COMPLAIN.

And I quote: "Scuse me! You need to open a ten items or less lane! You really should open a ten items or less lane! There are a lot of people with ten items or less!"

That was NOT annoying. That was entertaining. What WAS annoying was how she felt the need to share her anger with me. Blah blah this and that...Don't you think this is unreasonable...don't you think we have somewhere to be.

I'm sorry Brangelina....I'm sorry Newlyweds....our time together will have to wait. Mad lady needs me to join her in her misery. Why did I make eye contact!?

These next two items were then purchased.

I will call this picture...

Ode to 10-Items-Or-Less-Lady.

I get to the dealer and make myself comfortable in front of the tv. Yay, Oprah! And it's MAKEOVER MADNESS! Life could not be better. And then it happens.

I look up for one rotten second and have invited a seat next to mine. Our friendly dealer, with co-worker-driven over-confidence, decides to take a seat for a few and make small talk.

NO! NO, NO, NO!

"Oprah, huh?"

Can YOU name one black talk show host that's not Oprah? "Yep.."

I normally would have warmed the following awkward silence with something funny or sweet, but this was a makeover show. More silence...annnddddd....he's gone.

That night, when we went to Bewitched, there was a lady at the beginning of the line buying tickets. All of the sudden she begins to YELL across the entryway for her 3 year old son.

"CARSON!!!!!!! CARSON!!!!!! COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!! CARSON!!! OK...BYE...I'M LEAVING NOW!!? MOMMY'S LEAVING!!!"

Everyone stared. We were ALL uncomfrotable. We went to buy concessions and he was in the lobby screaming at the top of his lungs because of the echo. Mom bought concessions, resting in peace that her son was 10 feet away. Do you not know i'm about to smother him!?

After the movie lets out we were all making jokes about Carson..wasn't that funny...wasn't that funny. When we hear a little boy screaming at the top of his lungs. Yes, after the 2 hour movie...carson was STILL out of control and making our skin crawl.

People are funny.

Chex Mix is the Spawn of Satan.

After coming to the conclusion that chex mix is laced with heroine, I will not be purchasing another bag...ever. I hope you all support me in my decision as i already have one food addiction and cannot afford to take on another.

Signed,
Wishing-I-Was-Half-A-Bag-of-Economy-Size-Chex-Mix-Lighter

xox

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I also woke up this morning and really wanted to wear the shirt that I wore to bed. It's a really cute perriwinkle blue Pepperdine Tshirt with a white logo. But I have shame.


NO, wait...I don't. SO, I'm going to wear it.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, just one more thing. I wish I had a maid.

Before work, the yellow shirt, and too much champagne.

(I'm following Amalah's footsteps and doing a play-by-play of my evening. So you may all see the exact order of my tool-i-ness.)

3:29- Already late and still have to iron my work-shirt. Turn heat up too high and cook rust colored starch stain onto pocket. Wonderful.

3:41- Catch a glimpse of my terrifyingly, overgrown eyebrows in rearview!! Am repulsed! Attempt to pluck them with finger-tweezers.

3:42 -Finger tweezer plan has gone completely awry. The 2 hairs are still there and have taken on new life forms. Curly, wiry life forms. Cannot stop playing with them. I wonder if they look as obvious as they feel..?

4:01- Am walking into work...but still thinking of excuses to call in sick.

4:02- I would kill for a Hershey's bar.

4:03- Literally.

4:10- Wth?? There is a yellow, banded collar, short sleeve shirt hanging up in back that is uglier then sin. Someone owns it. A guy!?

I stop to admire...


Need camera batteries so can have pictures for all to see. Shirt is remarkably similar...but was uglier. And only had buttons 4 down from the collar.

This was pretty much my face at the scene of the crime.




4:22- Have just caught sight of Perfect Butt Girl and feel sad at the death of my diet.

4:23- Would kill Butt Girl for a Hershey's bar.

4:24- Since Hershey bar nowhere in sight, will make "new diet" declaration.

4:30- Work meeting is starting. Campagne tasting! I think love my job, right now.

4:38- Feet and hands numb. Check. Can't stop laughing with L.A. Check. Would rather be anywhere else laughing with L.A. Check.

4:55- Work meeting is ajourned. I am drunk. So is everyone else. Can't stop quoting Zoolander.

5:05- Have eaten 3 rolls and a quarter of a piece of chocolate cake. "Yeah, it's GREAT butt girl! Too bad you "can't have any!" and "don't need it." Blah! "

5:09- Have eaten another roll...this time with alfredo and bacon.

5:20- Someone really needs to do this guy a favor and burn that stupid yellow shirt. Who's is it? I'm still drunk.

6:55- SO SLOW. Am annoying everyone with talking like Zoolander.

6:59- Sneak cell phone into bathroom to check messages because am so, utterly bored and haven't checked them in like 2 weeks.

7:01- Apron string is now wet thanks to toilet. Awesome.

7:02- Won't have time to check because of wet nastiness that is my work uniform.

7:03- Permanent fake smile.

7:04- Am still starved.

7:05- Wish I had more champagne...

"It's not you....It's me."

how do you tell someone you don't like them without telling them that you don't like them? Here are some alternatives to "It's not You, it's me."

ALTERNATE ENDINGS

1. "Look, I had fun, but I just don't think this is going anywhere."
2. "Man, I LOVE hanging out with you, it reminds me of being with my brother."
3. "You didn't want to go out again, did you?"
4. "Your time seems valuable, and I REALLY don't want to waste it."
5. "Let's do us both a favor and not go out again." (I'll thank A for this one!)
6. "Well...you don't smell AS bad as my ex."
7. "I'm really busy right now. I'm so sorry I don't have time to talk. And I won't tomorrow either."
8. "Look, we can go on another date, but you CAN'T look at my third nipple..DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT."

and....my personal favorite.....

9. "Don't call me ever again."

Help Me... Help You. : )

I'm working on a blog but have too many ideas to get it right. I need your help!

Would you rather....

....tell someone you're not interested, OR ignore them til they "get the hint."

....hear those insulting words OR be ignored until YOU "get the hint."


Thank you, in advance, for helping. :)

"I don't Procrastinate...I reevaluate my priorities."

I'm not sure why, but I was born with no sense of urgency. I wake up every morning (11am is still AM) with a list of things to do. I write them on a piece of paper and get crackin'. Kind of...? My list starts out:

bank
fold laundry
iron work shirts
vacuum floor
make bed

12:30pm: Accomplished: Read my daily blogs. Deadlines: Need to leave for work in 3 hours.

Plenty of time to get SOMETHING done!

1:30pm: Have spent the last hour reading more blogs and organizing my blogrolls.

List to date:

bank
fold laundry
iron work shirts
vacuum floor
make bed

Phew! One thing down...I'm really puttin' this list away!

2:00pm: NEED to iron work shirts and MUST go to the bank. Will hit the bank on the way to work.

Current list status:

bank
fold laundry
iron work shirts
vacuum floor
make bed

WOW. The SAME two things that were left on my list yesterday. I guess it's nice to know that folding laundry and vacuuming will never come between us.

5 hours well spent.

The Things That Make Me Go "YAY!!"

I've compiled two lists that recognize the little things in my life. The little things that make me go "YAY!" And the little things that make me go "What the...!?... You've GOT to be....! No Freaking Way!" Here we go...

My "YAY!" List

1. When I find a "there-their-they're" mistake, before I click "send" on a blog-reply.
2. When i have exact change.
3. When my keys are in the FIRST place I look.
4. When there's NO ONE in the weight room at the gym.
5. When there's left-over pizza in the fridge! (I live with my family, so it's a surprise!)
6. When I don't have to stop at a "Yeild-On-Left-Turn"
7. When I catch someone leaving a GREAT parking spot! :)
8. When i don't buy an awesome purse...and then find it on sale!!
9. When someone compliments me on my accessory!!
10. When I wake up...and the house is quiet.


My "NO WAY!" List

1. When I'm on the couch doing homework...and the couch eats my PEN!?
2. When I agree to help someone move.....and inadvertently agree to "heavy-lift" while they pack the rest of the kitchen.
3. When I order my favorite wine...and then DON'T have my i.d.
4. When TIVO "blacks out" my FAVORITE show.
5. When a season finally is a "to-be-continued"... and then the follow up show SUCKS.
6. When I'm at a stop light and someone RIGHT next to me is IN MY BUBBLE! GO AWAY!
7. When I go to the dr. and "That'll be $25." NOT $15!!?
8. WHen I need to get my oil changed.
9. When I have to clean my car.
10. When I FINALLY get comfortable in bed....and I have to go to the bathroom. sigh.
11. WHERE THE HELL IS THE REMOTE!?

Anything I didn't mention?

NO MORE 3rd PERSON!?

Is there ever an appropriate time to talk about yourself in the third person? NO. It's annoying and off, and it makes me uncomfortable.

Would Jen be annoying to you if she started blogging in third person? Would you not like Jen to do that anymore? No! Because she would sound like a creepy sex offender. Sorry, I'm really tired. Here's how it went......

I was waiting to take a man's order when he asks me about the seabass:

"Oooh...Seabass. He's never ordered that before. How is it?"

Who's never ordered that before? I seriously thought he was talking about his son. It wasn't until he CONTINUED to talk in third person that I realized he was talking about himself.

"I think the lobster rissotto might upset Mike's stomach. He'll have the 7oz Pepper Steak instead."

Comin' right up, Mike..... I wanted to ask "Does Mike want Soup or Salad with His steak?" But I didn't.

Sign Out...and SHUT OFF!?

I am soooo excited to have found the blogging world but have done nothing but surf it for the last few days! I've found some AMAZING sights, but that may be my problem. I stay up WAY TOO LATE connecting to everyone's blogs!! I don't have the ability to shut my brain down and go to sleep!? Even as I was laying in bed at 4am I was thinking about stories I wanted to write and stories I'd read throughout the evening. Maybe this is me becoming a writer.

Here is the question:

What are some methods that you use to shut off and go to sleep?

Need all the help I can get! :)

Signed...Mental Diarrhea

WARNING- PERSONS IN THE TANNING SALON MAY APPEAR WEALTHIER THEN THEY ARE

I hit the tanning salon today and ended up waiting about 5 minutes for a bed. How it is even possible to wait when there are 900 beds is beyond my comprehension, but whatever. I took a seat on their cushioned waiting bench and noticed a "GQ model" leaning forward on the counter, talking sweet to the sun-scourched babe behind it. (Truly, SCOURCHED) I say GQ model because he was so 'put together' that he should have been on GQ magazine. I also say GQ model, because 9 out of 10 times the men are so pretty that there is absolutely no sex appeal to me.

He owned the room. Let me tell you. He was talking to her like she was the only woman on earth, but leaning on the counter like he was desperate for ALL women to look his way. BLAH.

"Baby, you are looking so good....what's that, baby?... " Literally. He then gave her the same bedroom eyes he gives to the mirror every morning and turned to find his throne next to where I was sitting. "Another grape??? You're highness??"**vomit**

Now, I would tell you if I thought he was good looking but, the fact is, he was so mediocre that it hurt me to watch. Perky-Tan-Salon-Girl ate up his image! He sat down slowly, crossed his right foot over his left knee, and firmly grabbed his right ankle with is left hand. There, uncofortably laid back. I watched Tan Girl and couldn't believe my eyes. She proceded to prance around the salon.....are you ready for this....freaking barefoot!? ISn't that against some regulation? She was walking with purpose, and took a model stance every time she stopped. IT was the most hysterical thing i've ever seen. Two descent people believing they were Paris and Paris haha. She even lowered her pants to the point of indescent exposure. How cute!

His hair was perfectly cut. His highlights were perfect. His clothes were expensive (or..he was trying to make them look like they were.) He was on top of his world. I chuckled.

My car was facing the doors of the salon so I got a good look as he was leaving. He was now sporting an "under-T" and had his orignal button up hanging off his finger over one shoulder. His "boss-man-sunglasses" were gold and, I kid you not, looked cheaper then anything i've ever seen before. They were crooked and flimsy and were making his "bronzed" face look even more...um...bronze? He looked like he was made of rubber. lol.

I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. I then felt bad and wondered what kind of person he really was. What kind of job he really had. He probably works at the bank..lol. He clearly wanted to look more wealthy then he was....but who am i to judge. He's probably a really great person that used to have bad acne.

Just wanted to share the laugh I had.

Looking an Eternal Gift Horse in the Mouth

Do you think God knew we would take Christ for granted? I often imagine giving someone a gift. I play over and over in my mind how elated they will be at the gesture. This gift will change thier life forever!

"This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me!...." They'll say.
"I CANNOT believe you thought of this!...."
"....How considerate. WHat class!"

Naturally, life never serves me this kind of praise. I don't deserve it, but it would be nice.

I've been wondering lately if God had it in his mind that we would be as greedy and unthankful as we are about his gift of eternal life. Or, did he hope and imagine that we would react like I just described? I'd bet if my friends were with me in the Hallmark store, and saw the blood, sweat, and tears that went into their perfect card, they would be more willing to give me the reaction I wanted. But the truth remains that we may never understand what God went through when deciding to kill his only son to rid us of the responsibility of our sins. It sounds morbid...but this is exactly what he did.

How can I remind myself everyday of this fact?

SCALES-R-US: "I'll take one Lo-Carb-Psuedo-Christian with a side of Panic Disorders, please."

Is it necessary to have a "near death" experience to bring you to God? For me?..Apperantly so. I have been a believer for about 2 years now, and it has taken me this panic ridden afternoon to bring my desire to serve him. What a sad truth.

I am a compulsive dieter. Do I think this is why I had a panic attack? Not sure. I just felt the desire to state that for you and myself. Sort of like my first step. The thoughts have been running through my head, "I'm not ready to die...My life has not been lived yet" When it dawned on me. I am better off dead. Now, before you start calling the help-lines and directing them on the path to my blog, i feel I should explain to yoiu what I mean by better off dead. I am living my life for me and it is getting me NOWHERE. I don't understand why I am consumed with Hollywood. This is satan at his best. I have completely turned away from God on my quest to have the perfect figure.

I felt like crap all afternoon, like I'd just had a night of heavy drinking. It was my third morning waking up from Ambien, and I chalked my grogginess up to catching up on sleep. About 530pm, our boss was saying his last few words of a work meeting, and I called out to everyone that I was going to pass out. My head buzzed with adrenaline while my mind played over the next weeks newspaper headlines:

"Young Girl Drops Dead at Work"
"Too young to die of a Heart Attack...what was Wrong?"

I was sure I was dying....and there was nothing anyone could do. I wanted an ambulance...I wanted a doctor.... I wanted someone to tell me I was ok. In no shape to work, my boss sent me home. This was after I puked in the office garbage can and had a friend take my pulse for the millionth time. My dad came to get me and I spent the duration of the night in my room contemplating what my life would be if it was over. I pleaded to God that i had so much more to give...but do i? Am I going to waste the rest of my life obsessing over who's too skinny this week? I never want to be that scared again. I want to live my live for Christ more then ever right now, but I don't know how to turn this fear into a healthy consistent love for the lord....

Today starts my journey. I hope I will continue to journal my thougts, ideas, and experiences this far with all of you. My life has been so full ....but so empty.This is my quest to find my life. And here is my journey to a Christ Centered life.

Picture Post Archive!! : )

JULY

Is this a hobby? Or an OBSESSION!?

Thuderstorms Rule! And look how cute she is!

Biore, Pore Perfect?

My 4th Of July. :)

It's Madness I Tell You!

This is not good at all.

This Deal is REAL!

Hi Friends!

JUNE

All's Well That ends BAD! Really, really Bad!

Mission Beach! Viewer Discretion Advised.

Can't they tell I don't want to be bothered?

GUEST BOOK! :)

Hi! Thank you so much for visiting...and taking the time to comment! I'll check out your site just as soon as I see it! If you want to share how you found me, that would be awesome! :)

Thanks Again!

Where I am and What I'm Doing!! :)

Hi guys! I'll try to visit your blogs as much as possible over the next two weeks. I'm going to try to post about what I'm doing and who I'm with! :)

I am visiting my hometown of Spokane, WA. My bestfriend MJ, mom, step-dad, brothers, and WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY will be among those loved on! Oh yeah...with the ocassional ex-boyfriend that HOPEFULLY, after seeing me, will regret having treated me so poorly. :)

This is what my hair looked like last time I was home....

Umm..that's a picture of a picture that's in a frame...lol...so it kind of sucks. :)

And...you all know what my hair looks like now. I love the shock factor!

Ok...I will let you all know what I find!! Lots of goodies! Old stuff I refuse to throw away....stuff I have in storage that I won't retreive for another 10 years.

Stay Tuned!!!